The Temples of Fanfiction
by Mousse12
Summary: IT'S BACK! TEMPLES OF FANFICTION HAS MADE IT'S GLORIOUS RETURN! CHAPTER 8! THE HUMOR TEMPLE, DRAGONMAGE STAGE 2, AND FRENCH BASHING!
1. Gossuka Takes Over

The Temples of Fanfiction  
by Mousse 1/2  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of The Legend of Zelda. Zelda is owned by Nintendo and the Almighty God of Gaming, Shigeru Miyamoto  
  
Author's note: Ok, this fic is about Link having to save the world from a madman who has found a way to control the worlds of Hyrule and Termina by going through the 7 Fanfiction Temples and awakening the 7 Sages of Fanfiction. Now, I need people to volunteer to be those sages. 6 people will be chosen as sages. The others will get cameos. Here are the rules to volunteer if you want a part as a sage.   
  
1) Give me what sage you are trying out to be. The Sages you have a choice for are Angst, Humor, Action, Romance, Horror, and Lunacy. Now, I know that's only 6, but that's because I have already planned everything about the 7th Sage, and I will design him myself.  
  
2) Give me where in Hyrule or Termina you would like your Temple to be placed. Please choose a place remotely similar to the temple. (For example, no placing the Horror Temple in a really happy and sweet place.)  
  
3) Tell me what you want your character to be like. You can choose to have your character be like yourself, but here is how it goes: Your character will have your author name, but it is not the author. It is a new character that the villain creates, along with other minor characters, for his amusement. Your character can have any personality you want, except if he/she is one of the 6 characters I choose to be a Sage, make the person's personality like the temple he/she guards. (Example, if you are trying out to be the Sage of Lunacy, Make your character a bit crazy, probably very silly, almost never serious.) But, if you are not chosen to be one of the 6 sages, it can be any personality, so if you want to, you can put 2 different personalities, one for if you become a Sage, and one if not.  
  
4)give me your AOL IM sn, and if you don't have AIM, give me your email address so, if you become a Sage, I can ask you about your ideas for the temple and such, and so I can inform you whether you have been chosen as a Sage or not.  
  
5) If you don't want to be a Sage, but want a cameo in the story, tell me what alignment you want to be. You can be either good, evil but not a servant of the villain, or an evil servant of the villain. If you want to be evil and I really like your character and he/she fits in well with one of the Temples, I may make you a Mini-Boss!  
  
One final note: I know, this whole volunteer Sage thing sounds a lot like Sage Of Innocence Saga by Galaxy Girl. Well, I've had the idea for a story with Temples of Fanfic types quite a while, but I didn't know how I would do the Sages and such. Then I read SOIS. I was impressed with Galaxy Girl's excellent idea, and e-mailed her with a proposition telling her of my story idea, and asking for her permission to use her Sage idea. She gave me her permission, so please don't flame me accusing me of stealing ideas. I am trying as hard as possible to make this story as different from hers as possible. And Now on with the story, and don't forget to review and put the information needed to try out for a Sage! Oh, and I know this chapter is kinda short, but that's because I'm just opening it, and I can't continue until I have my Sages!  
  
Chapter 1: Gossuka's takeover  
  
It was a perfect sunny day in the Kokiri Forest. Link was relaxing on the balcony of his tree-house, while the Kokiri played. Link was relieved to finally get a break from the Hero business. Having to collect the 3 spiritual stones, awaken the 7 Sages, and defeat Ganon to save his own world was enough, but reliving the same 3 days over and over just to save a parallel world was downright tiring. He needed a nice break from going through dungeons and fighting bosses, and it looked like he would finally get a nice break from being a hero.  
  
Or so he thought.  
  
Suddenly, the sky turned pitch black. All of the Kokiri, remembering when Ganondorf sent the monsters into the forest, immediately ran into their houses. Only Saria and Link were left.  
  
Saria: Gee, Link, do you think this could mean something bad is gonna happen, and another evil villain will try to take over Hyrule and/or Termina, who you have to defeat by going into 7 temples and rescuing Sages?  
  
Link: Nah, no way, for 2 reasons. Reason 1: I've already saved both Hyrule and Termina once, and anyone who thinks they can kill me is crazy, and Reason 2: Everytime I have to go on an adventure, a really annoying fairy comes to me first, and I don't see a fairy in sight.  
  
At that moment, a fairy flew into the forest and right to Link.  
  
Fairy: Hi, Link! My name is Shika! I'm your new fairy! My job is to help you on your new quest and be really really annoying!  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT AGAIN!  
Ok, who is the big villain this time?  
  
Shika: I don't know! I can't tell you about enemies unless they are close enough for me to fly over to them, turn yellow, and then give you it's name and a useless tip about them!  
  
At that moment, a giant pencil hit the ground, dug a deep hole in it, and out of the hole came a man. He was about 6 feet tall, dressed in blood red, with a large dark green cape. He was very muscular, and the look on his face basically screamed out "Super-Villain".  
  
Link: whoah! Shika, now can you identify the villain?  
  
Shika: (flying over to the Villain and turning yellow) This is...  
  
Before she could continue, The evil villain smacked Shika down to the ground.  
  
Evil Villain: Quiet, fool! I don't need a stupid fairy to tell who I am! I will do it myself! I am...........GOSSUKA, THE AUTHOR OF DOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA!  
  
Link: Author of Doom? What is that supposed to mean?  
  
Gossuka: It means that I am an evil Author, and am writing this world into doom! I have found a way to make it so any character I create I can write into Hyrule or Termina! Unfortuantely, I can't write your destinies though, but I can still enslave Hyrule and Termina with my characters, and you can't do anything about it unless you go through Hyrule and Termina and find the 7 temples , awaken the 7 Sages who are all new characters I've created but don't know that they are sages, and beat me in a final fight!  
  
Link: Umm, yeah. Do you know you've basically told us your entire plot and told us how to defeat you?  
  
Gossuka: I did? Oh Crap! And my powers won't let me erase your memory! Dangit!  
  
Link: Yeah, and Sages have to be good. And all the people you are creating are evil right? So how can there be Sages?  
  
Gossuka: Well, um, actually, I just choose what the characters are built like, and their race, and all that stuff. I don't choose their alignment.  
  
Saria: Hey, you just gave away another useful tip! Thanks!  
  
Gossuka: CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: You're not much of a great villain, are you? Hmph, I'm not gonna waste my time on you. Tingle is probably more dangerous than you!  
  
Gossuka: WHAT? HOW DARE YOU INSULT ME? NOW ALL OF KOKIRI FOREST SHALL FEEL MY WRATH!  
  
Gossuka then focused his power. He started glowing an evil shade of black. The clouds above Kokiri Forest became even darker than before. Then, Gossuka focused all of the energy he made into a ball in his right hand. He raised his right arm high, and all of the ball except for 2 small sections turned yellow. One of the sections remained black, and the other section, on the opposite side of the black section, turned red. He then let out a loud yell, and the ball formed into a giant pencil of energy.  
  
Link: A pencil? Isn't that a bit old-fashioned?  
  
Gossuka: SHUT UP! Now the real terror starts!  
  
Gossuka then threw the giant energy pencil at the entrance to Kokiri Forest, where it embedded in the earth. Then, Kokiri started sprouting out of the ground, a total of 100 of them. 25 of them looked normal and after one look at Gossuka, ran into the houses where the original Kokiri were. However, the remaining 75 Kokiri were of a darker tone, with dark green clothes and tannish-gray faces. They all had slingshots in their hands, and they were aiming at Link.   
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHH! OH NO! WE'RE DOOMED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shika: What do you mean? They're just evil Kokiri! (going into her "annoying fairy explanatory mode) These are just like normal Kokiri, only evil! You can guard against their slingshot attacks with your sheild!  
  
Link: No, no! It's.........(pointing above the evil Kokiri) THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Sure enough, above the evil Kokiri, there was a reason for Link to be afraid............... MANY MANY EVIL FAIRIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Fairies: Bwahahahaha......... HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! WATCH OUT! LOOK! HEY! LISTEN!....... and so on.  
  
While Gossuka just stood there, grimacing at Link's torture with his earplugs in, Link was in his own personal hell.  
  
Link: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO! EVIL FAIRY TORTURE!!!!!!!  
  
Gossuka: Heheehhehe... He'll never survive. This would be a good time to leave. But before I do, I might as well seal this foolish boy's fate while he's distracted. ALL EVIL KOKIRI! I COMMAND YOU ALL TO KILL THE BOY BEING TORTURED BY THE FAIRIES!  
  
30 of the Evil Kokiri: Yes, Master Gossuka  
  
Saria: Hey wait a minute, how come only 30 of them obeyed you?  
  
Gossuka: That's because there are 2 types of evil: Independent evil and Evil servants. Those 30 are evil servants, which means they are evil and obey me. the other 45 are evil but they do what they want.  
  
Saria: Hey you just gave us another tip!  
  
Gossuka: CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! CRAP! That's it! I'm leaving before I accidentally give you another tip!  
  
Gossuka then flew away, using his internal energy like in Dragonball Z. Meanwhile, Link was still undergoing the fairy torture, and the Evil Kokiri were shooting Link with slingshots. (All 75 of them. Apparently even the independent evil ones wanted Link dead.) Link was too busy covering his ears to shield against the slingshot seeds, and was getting welts on his skin.  
  
Saria: Link, you need to attack the evil Kokiri! The fairies are just trying to hold you there so you can get killed!   
  
Saria got no response except screams of agaony when Link uncovered his ears.  
  
Saria: Ugh, that's it! If you want something done, I guess you have to do it yourself.  
  
Saria then rushed towards Link, and pulled the Master Sword out of Link's sheath. She then started to kick some evil Kokiri butt. She sliced through the Kokiri, and also killed some fairies. When all the fairies were down, Link got up.  
  
Link: Thanks Saria. Now give the sword to me, and I'll finish this.  
  
Saria: OK, Link, I personally don't like killing people, especially fairies, but I had to to get you out of your pathetic screaming mode. Heh, you sure didn't look much like the "Hero of Time" there, Link.  
  
Link: Easy for you to say, Saria. You're a Kokiri, so you're immune to Fairy Torture.  
  
Link then took the Master Sword from Saria and finished off the rest of the Kokiri.  
  
Link: There. Hey, Shika, you ok?  
  
Shika was just getting up. She had been unconsious the whole time.  
  
Shika: I'm ok now. Sheesh, that Gossuka guy was mean! Lets kick his Author butt!  
  
Link: Yeah! Seeya, Saria, Shika and I are off to find the 7 Temples and rescue the Sages!  
  
Saria: Seeya!  
  
And so Link and Shika are off on an adventure to save both Hyrule AND Termina from the evil superpowered author, Gossuka. Will they succeed? What are the Temples? Who are the Sages? What new enemies will they face? What new items and characters will they encounter? Why is the author of this fic asking these stupid questions? Find out in Chapter 2, which will be coming up as soon as I get 6 Sages for this fic! 


	2. Hyrule Disco and Lunacy Temple!

The Temples of Fanfiction  
  
Chapter 2:Hyrule Disco and the Lunacy Temple!  
  
by Mousse1/2  
  
Author note: So far, I have only gotten a Sage of Lunacy, which is why I am able to write more chapters. But once I'm done this Temple, I won't be able to write again! That's why I need people to volunteer for the parts of the remaining 5 Sages of Fanfiction. The parts open are Angst, Horror, Humor, Action, and Romance. If you forgot the rules, they are on Chapter 1. Oh, and I dont own Zelda. Now, on w/ the fic!  
  
  
  
Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, an evil author named Gossuka came, took over Hyrule AND Termina, told Link he must go to 7 Fanfiction temples and rescue the 7 Sages of Fanfiction to defeat him, and then sent evil Kokiri and fairies after him, which Link (and Saria) defeated with ease. Oh, and Link met Shika, his new super-annoying fairy partner!  
  
  
  
Link and Shika were in Hyrule Field, wondering where the temples would be, when suddenly the sky turned dark, and a evil being of total darkness landed on a nearby tree and looked at Link.  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! IT'S KAEPORA GAEBORA! NOOOOOOOOOOO! EVIL!  
  
Shika: It's Kaepora Gaebora! It's an owl so annoying, it must be an evil servant of Gossuka! Kill it!  
  
Link: Right! Time to die, evil owl!  
  
Link took out his trusty Fairy Bow, and aimed an arrow at Kaepora Gaebora  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: No! Wait! I'm not evil! Just annoying! I have come to tell you where the first temple is!  
  
Link: (putting his bow away) Alright. We'll let you live........... for now. Now tell me where the temple is!  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: Eep. Anyway, (talking like Sheik) It is something that keeps a person happy sometimes, but as it grows in the mind, it can get out of control, plunging the victim into selflessness, causing himself and others to lose their will to live. If you want to save Hyrule (and Termina), you must learn to get used to it. Listen to this, the song that will keep a mind straight when everything else has gone haywire. Listen to this, the Overture of Lunacy.  
  
Kaepora Gaebora then hooted out the Overture, while Link got out his Ocarina.  
  
(really really fast) ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ ......(long pause) Z  
  
Link: What? There is no Z note on the Ocarina!  
  
Kaepora Gaebora: Well, it's not called the Overture of LUNACY for no reason. Try all of the notes at the same time.  
  
Link: Oh. (after a few tries, finally gets the Overture right.) Hey wait a minute, I thought Sheik is supposed to teach me the songs!  
  
KG(I'm getting tired of writing the entire name out): Yes, but if you remember correctly, Sheik was really Princess Zelda, and right now Zelda is busy being a royal pain in the @$$. So now I get to teach you all of the songs you learn in Hyrule!  
  
Link: Uh-huh. What about Termina.  
  
KG: Oh, someone else will teach you songs there. But, anyway, now you know the song that will open the Lunacy Temple.  
  
Link: OK, now tell me, where is the Lunacy Temple?  
  
KG: Oh, I can't tell you that. You're supposed to figure it out yourself.  
  
Link: (taking the bow out and aiming an arrow at KG agai) You better tell me, or else there's not gonna be an owl alive to teach me the songs.  
  
KG: Eep! Ok, ok, it's in Hyrule Castle Town. Happy now?  
  
Link: Wait a minute, I thought Hyrule Castle Town was broken down and overrun by Redeads!  
  
KG: That was before you defeated Ganondorf, idiot! Now it's a prosperous town with lots of people, and it's population must be huge now that Gossuka has created a bunch of new people.  
  
Link: Oh, ok, whatever. C'mon Shika, let's go straight to Hyrule Castle Town!  
  
Shika: Yeah!  
  
Link and Shika then ran (and flew) to Hyrule Castle Town, where they saw something that astounded them. It was set right in the middle of the town, a colossal building that towered over the rest of town, it's prescence making Link's hair stand on end. For it was an evil building, a forbidden building................ a Disco, right in Hyrule Castle Town!  
  
Link: NO! Not a Disco! Gossuka must have created this, only he is deranged enough to build a Disco!  
  
Unknown person behind Link: Oh is he?  
  
Link: AHHHH! WHO ARE YOU?  
  
UPBL: I'm...... SS4 PSYCHO LINK! BWAHAHAHAH! HERE, HAVE SOME CHEESE! (farts in Link's face) BWEEEHEEHEEEHEEHEEEEEEEE!( runs away into the disco, laughing like a maniac)  
  
Link: Ok, who in the hell was that? I've definitely never seen him before, so he must be one of the Hylians Gossuka created, and his name is way too real to be his real name.  
  
Really Old Hylian: (You know, the old guy in blue that talks about the Sheikah when you're a kid and the lens of truth when you're an adult?) You correct there, young lad, he is one of the Hylians created by Gossuka. Apparantly he is good, as he isn't a dark color like the evil ones. But noone really knows his real name, he just goes by SS4 Psycho Link. It may be his real name, but most of us don't believe him, because he's downright nuts. Oh, and by the way, he's the one that built Hyrule Disco.  
  
Link: WHAT? HE BUILT IT? GOSSUKA ONLY TOOK OVER ABOUT AN HOUR AGO! AND IT MUST HAVE BEEN AT LEAST A FEW MINUTES AFTER THAT BEFORE GOSSUKA CREATED NEW HYLIANS! HOW COULD SOMEONE BUILD A DISCO THAT QUICK?  
  
ROH: That's what happens when a crazy psycho lunatic gets a sugar high and finds tools that the carpenters left last time they left.  
  
Link: Oh. Wait a minute. Shika, what's the craziest, most unlikely place to find a serious, dangerous temple?  
  
Shika: Well, let's see, a shop, afishing spot, a carnival, or........... A DISCO! THAT'S IT, LINK! THE LUNACY TEMPLE MUST BE IN THAT DISCO!  
  
Link: ALRIGHT! LET'S GO!  
  
Link and Shika then went inside the Disco.There were people of all races partying. Link could make out SS4 Psycho Link dancing like, what else?, a maniac. There was snack bar lining a whole wall of the Disco, and hanging from the ceiling was a humongous Disco ball, with what looked like a Smiley face with the mouth wide open, tongue hanging out, and googly eyes, on it.  
  
Link: Ok, we're here, now how do we find the Temple?  
  
Shika: How do you think, idiot? Ask the guy who created it!  
  
Link: oh, ok. (walks up to SS4 Psycho Link, who is stuffing a trout down his pants.) Hey, you, ya know where the Lunacy Temple is?  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Sure! Go right, left, up, down, around and around, and then up Rauru's butt! BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA!  
  
Link: ooooook. You're an idiot. Hey, I've got an idea! I'll play the Overture of Lunacy to open the Tempel!  
  
Link then reached into his pack for his ocarina , but found it missing.  
  
Link: HEY! Who took my ocarina?  
  
Shika: LOOK! over there!  
  
Link looked over to where Shika was gesturing to see SS4 Psycho Link dumping Link's ocarina in a bowl of punch and trying to eat it.  
  
Link: HEY! GIMME THAT! (takes ocarina back from SS4 Psycho Link, and cleans the punch out of it.) If this doesn't work, you're dead, psycho boy!  
  
Link then played the Overture of Lunacy.  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: HEY! That song is pretty good.  
  
While SS4 Psycho Link started dancing like a maniac again, Link was quite dissapointed.  
  
Link: Hey, how come nothing has happened? Where's the Lunacy Temple?  
  
Shika: Link, look up!  
  
Sure enough, above Link, the Disco ball was slowly opening, it until it made a entrance large enough for a normal sized Hylian to get through. Then, a staircase dropped down from the entrance, leading to the Lunacy Temple.  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: WHOAH COOL! There must be a huge disco place in there! YIPPEE!  
  
SS4 Psycho Link then ran into the Temple, and, then, for a few moments, there was silence. Until...................  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: AHHHHHHH! SOMEONE'S KIDNAPPING ME! COOL! I AM THE WEAKEST LINK, GOODBYE!  
  
Link: Ooooooook, well, he's gone. HYRULE IS SAVED!  
  
Shika: Um, not really, Gossuka is still here. Don't you get it, Link? His insanity, his disco with the temple in it, his going in the temple. SS4 PSYCHO LINK IS THE SAGE OF LUNACY!  
  
Link: Oh. In that case, LET'S SAVE HIM!  
  
Link and Shika then entered the Lunacy Temple, where they were met by a dark, booming, evil voice, who greeted them with a most evil, terrifying phrase.  
  
Dark, booming, evil voice: WAZZZZZZZZZZUP?  
  
Well, it seems as though Link has found his first temple? But will he prevail through the Lunacy Temple without going insane? Find out next chapter! And don't forget to volunteer to be a Sage! 


	3. Lots of Lunacy

The Temples of Fanfiction by Mousse1/2  
  
Chapter 3: Lots of Lunacy  
  
Author's notes: Whoa, it's been more than a month than I updated! Sorry about the delay, I had to be away for a lot of the time what with the holidays and such, had to think up ideas for other fanfics I'm planning for the future, and also because the person I appointed Sage of Lunacy did not help me much w/ Temple setup. So now, I say to the people who have been appointed Sages, please have a good idea of at least 25% percent of your temple so I can do the rest and make it good. I still need someone to be the Sage of Horror and the Sage if Angst. Yep, there are now only 2 spots that haven't been taken. Anyway, the next Temple I do will be the one that the Sage for it has the most planned out is the most confident about his/her temple being ready for writing. Each Temple will take up 3 chapters (including the one where the Sage is met for the first time) so Sages, try to get a good idea of the temple you want by the time Chapter 4 is out, because in Chapter 5 I have to introduce a new Sage. Oh, and if you want to appear later, just tell me! And I don't own Zelda. Geez, I make long author notes, don't I? Anyway, FINALLY! ITS CHAPTER 3! ON WITH THE FIC!  
  
  
Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link and Shika had just met SS4 Psycho Link, a lunatic who built a disco in Hyrule Castle Town, which, as it turned out, had the Lunacy Temple hidden in it's Disco Ball. But, before Link and his annoying fairy could, SS4 Psycho Link went into the Temple. Then, Shika put two and two together and figured out that SS4 PSYCHO LINK WAS THE SAGE OF LUNACY! (What, you mad about this chapter and the next being spoiled because you know who the Sage is? C'mon, you can always figure it out before you even find a way to open the temple in the games!) When we last left Link, he had just entered the Temple.....  
  
  
Link and Shika had entered the Lunacy Temple, where they were met by a dark, booming, evil voice, who greeted them with a most evil, terrifying phrase.  
  
Dark, booming, evil voice: WAZZZZZZZZZZUP?  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAH! ANNOYING OVER-USED GREETING! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!  
  
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH!!!! WELCOME TO THE LUNACY TEMPLE, MORTAL! I PROMISE YOU THAT YOU WON'T LEAVE THIS PLACE WITH YOUR SANITY INTACT!!! ENTER TO THE MAIN CHAMBER IF YOU DARE!  
  
Link: OK. Whatever.  
  
Link then walked to the door in front of him that led to the main chamber, but was stopped by the dark booming evil voice.  
  
DBEV: WAIT!!!!! AREN'T YOU SCARED? YOU'LL GO INSANE PERMANENTLY IF YOU GO IN THERE! YOU'RE STILL GONNA RISK YOUR SANITY IN THIS PLACE?  
  
Link: Well, duh. I mean, c'mon I've already seen a giant talking tree as a god, a race of large beings made of rock that eat rocks, a half-woman half-fish princess that's in love with me (shudder), and an EVIL AUTHOR GUY THAT MADE HIS BIG ENTRANCE THROUGH A PENCIL!!! There's no way that I can get any more insane than I already am.  
  
DBEV: WELL, GO ON IN IF YOU THINK YOU CAN HANDLE IT, BUT DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU!  
  
Link : Whatever. C'mon, Shika, Let's go!  
  
Link and Shika then entered into the main chamber of the Lunacy Temple. Link found himself in a large circular room with an aluminum floor. Near the other side of the room, there was a giant figure in the shape of an oval with a line through it sticking out of the floor. When Link looked behind him, he saw that all traces of the door he came through in were gone.  
  
Link: What the? What in the hell is this? How is this gonna drive me insane?  
  
Shika: Wait! I sense it, it is strong in this room.  
  
Link: What do you sense?  
Shika: I sense... the power..... of CAFFEINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's coming from below the floor!  
  
Link: Ok, that made absolutely no sense at all. Wait a minute........ WHAT'S THAT?  
  
While Link and Shika were analyzing the room they were in, a huge tentacle-looking thing had been sneaking up on them.  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHH! A WEIRD TENTACLE-LOOKING THING!  
  
Shika: Wait a minute Link! Look at that shell-like covering at the end! It's sort of like- A FINGER NAIL! IT'S A GIANT FINGER!  
  
Link: Thanks, that really reassured me. (sarcasm, in case you couldn't tell)  
(taking his Master Sword out) Alright, Shika! Try to find out more about this stupid place! I'll take care of the evil appendage!  
  
Link then went to work fighting the finger, but every time he swung at it, it moved out of the way, then flicked Link to the other edge of the arena.  
  
Link: Ugh! This is just like fighting those weird tentacles in Jabu-Jabu. Wait a minute! That's it!  
  
Link then took out his boomerang and threw it at the finger.  
  
Shika: WAIT A MINUTE! I thought you couldn't use the fairy boomerang as an adult!  
  
Link: (catching the boomerang and throwing it again) Oh, this is the boomerang I used when fighting Master Hand.   
  
( AN: In case some of you don't know what I'm talking about, Master Hand is the boss in the Super Smash Bros. Games, in which Link has the boomerang as a special move.)  
  
Shika: Oh, yeah, I forgot about him. Anyway, I've figured out something.  
  
Link: (still attacking the finger) Really? What did you find out?  
Shika: That we are in the Lunacy Temple.  
Link: AGGH! I ALREADY KNEW THAT!  
  
Just then, the finger stopped attacking, and backed away, showing it's full body, revealing itself to be...... A GIANT WALL MASTER! The Wall Master then went to the oval-shaped figure and pulled it up until one end pushed a section of the floor down, revealing a hole.  
  
Link: What the...? Wait a minute... Shika, go examine the side of the arena.  
  
Shika then flew over the edge and down so she could view the side, and saw what Link suspected...... A huge red white and blue circle, and above it, in big golden letters: PEPSI. Shika then flew over to Link and relayed the news to Link.  
  
Link: A giant Pepsi can, huh? Well, that's freaky. Huh? Wait a minute, is it just me, or is the can moving?  
  
Indeed, Link was right, for while Link and Shika were busy examining their surroundings, the giant Wall Master had grabbed the Pepsi can, and was moving it upwards, until Link and Shika could see it's destination: A giant man, with huge zits covering his face, about to drink some soda.  
  
Link: AHH! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GONNA LET THAT GUY SWALLOW ME!   
  
Shika: LINK! JUST HANG ON TO THE EDGE FARTHEST AWAY FROM THE MOUTH, AND YOU WON'T GET SWALLOWED!  
  
As Link rushed to the edge farthest from the mouth, the giant Wall Master started to slowly tip the can towards the thirsty glutton. Link hung on tightly to the edge to prevent himself from falling, while Shika hovered in the air above Link. Finally, when the entire can was drained of it's liquid, the Wall Master set the can back in it's starting space and moved away, leaving just Link and Shika on a giant empty Pepsi can.  
  
Link: Ok, that was something I never thought would happen.  
Shika: Hey, Link! Now that the can is empty, we can go inside it! and explore!  
  
Link: You're right! In we go!  
  
Then Link rushed up to the hole and jumped in, not worrying about the effects of gravity, which caused to fall very very rapidly until he hit the ground, followed by Shika slowly floating to the bottom.  
  
Link: Ouch... that hurt.  
Shika: You know, there was a ladder you could have climbed down without getting hurt. But now it's gone since we're in the can.  
Link: D'OH!  
  
At that moment, a HUGE pencil came down through the can, dividing it in half but still keeping it intact, the pencil acting as a giant wall. Then many other pencils flew in, creating doors, stairways, floors, etc. until the whole can became a tower.  
  
Shika: I get it! The Lunacy Temple is the inside of a Pepsi can!  
Link: Uh-huh, whatever, P-U, what's that smell? It's coming from... THAT! HOLY CRAP!  
  
And that's exactly what it was. A huge pile of feces blocking what was apparently the entrance to the other side.  
  
Shika: Link, the entrance to the boss and stuff must be on the other side! You need to move that pile!  
Link: Ugh! No way! There's gotta be something in this side that can help me move it without having to touch it. Let's go in that door, on the other side of the room.  
  
And so, Link and Shika went to the next room, which appeared to just be a circular room. Then the dark booming evil voice from the first room returned.  
  
DBEV: BWAHAHAHAHHA! NOW ARE YOU SORRY YOU DIDN'T HEED MY WARNING?  
  
Link: Actually, no.  
DBEV: ARGH! WELL, ANYWAY, THERE'S NO ESCAPE FOR YOU NOW! IF YOU WANT TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, YOU'LL HAVE TO DEFEAT THE ENEMIES LORD GOSSUKA SET FORTH FOR YOU! NOW TRY AND BEAT THIS!  
  
Two pencils shot out of crevices in the walls, landed on the floor, and shattered into not pencil shards but bones. These bones then formed into two of Link's most common enemies.  
  
Link: Stalfos? Two Stalfos? THAT'S ALL I HAVE TO DO IN ORDER TO GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR?  
  
DBEV: YES! BWAHAHAHAHHA! AREN'T YOU SCARED NOW, LITTLE MAN?  
  
Link: Are you kidding? Scared of Two Stalfos? You're the insane one!  
  
DBEV: ARGH! THAT'S IT! STALFOS! ATTACK IN THE NAME OF GOSSUKA!  
  
The Stalfos, who are honorable fighters, even if they are dead, did not believe in ganging up and agreed on one of them to fight Link first.  
That Stalfos rushed towards Link, his sword ready. The other just stood and watched. (AN: Really, this is true in Ocarina of Time. Have you ever had two Stalfos attack you at once? No, they always have one stand back and watch while the other gets killed.) Link rushed up as well, but put his Mirror Shield up to block the sword attack from the Stalfos, and countered with a sword slice of his own. After a few minutes of the shield against the jump attack and then jump attack routine, the Stalfos collapsed and dissolved, and the second Stalfos, who was behind Link, jump-attacked him, creating a nice-sized slash in Link's back.  
  
Link: AGGH! That hurt! Prepare to die, bone boy!  
  
The second Stalfos was harder to attack than the first one was. He was much faster, and therefore was able to jump back even after his attack was shielded. Link tried to keep up with it's attacks but most often missed and got a scratch from the Stalfos's sword. But then, Link remembered he still had other weapons besides his sword. So, Link jumped back from the Stalfos, put his sword in his sheath, and grinned at the Stalfos, taunting him to come closer. The Stalfos, not being too bright walked up to Link, as if curious as to why Link put away his sword when he was still in battle. As soon as the Stalfos got close enough, Link quickly took out his Megaton Hammer and smashed the Stalfos until he was dead.  
  
Link: Whew! Ok, so I admit that second Stalfos was a bit harder than the average Stalfos, but it was still pretty easy! Is that all you've got?  
  
DBEV: HEH, SO YOU MANAGED TO BEAT THE STALFOS, PRETTY GOOD, I'LL LET YOU GO TO THE NEXT FLOOR, BUT YOUR NEXT CHALLENGES WILL BE MUCH MORE DIFFICULT! I'LL MAKE YOU REGRET YOU IGNORED MY WARNING AND ENTERED HERE!  
  
The voice then stopped, and the ground rumbled.  
  
Link: What's happening?  
  
Shika: The floors moving up! It's like some kind of elevator!  
  
Link: An elevator in a Pepsi Can? Ugh, this place is crazy!  
  
The room then stopped moving, and Link and Shika came out. They were now in the room they landed in when they first entered the can, except they were on a higher level. Across from them, there was a hole in the pencil/wall that would lead to the next room. Link and Shika went across the room to the hole and entered into the next room. In the center of the room was a chimpanzee in white Japanese-like robes. When Link walked closer to the chimp a wooden door closed the hole he entered through, and the chimp stood up and took out a scimitar.  
  
Shika: That's a Samurai Chimp! They are super-smart monkeys that are trained in the arts of the samurai! Dodge it's sword attacks and attack it! They are known to give useful information once beaten in combat.  
  
Link: Alright, then, let's go, monkey!  
  
The Samurai Chimp made the first move by jumping up and over Link's head to the other side of the room. Link responded by throwing his boomerang at it. The boomerang stunned the chimp, allowing Link to run up and do a jump attack on it. This brought the chimp out of paralysis, where and he hit Link in the side with the scimitar then went to the other side. Link threw the boomerang and jump attacked again, but this time he back flipped out of the chimp's reach when he did the slice. He then finished the fight with a quick slice at the chimp while he was recovering from the past attacks. The monkey's scimitar disappeared, and the chimp sat down at the spot he was when Link first entered.  
  
Link: Ok, I beat you, now aren't you supposed to give me some information?  
  
Chimp: Yes. You have bested me in combat, so now I give you this tip: When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster.  
  
The Samurai Chimp then disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the doors of the room opened.  
  
Shika: What was that supposed to mean?  
  
Link: Well, this is the Lunacy Temple. Maybe it's not supposed to make any sense.  
  
Shika: Hmm, you have a point. Well, anyway, the floor's moving! I think we're moving up to the third floor!  
  
Link: Alright, we're there! ( walks out.) Hey, it's just another hallway to the next room! There's nothing here! C'mon, this is supposed to be tough? I can't believe this st-AHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
That, for you who don't know, was the sound of someone being caught by a Wall Master in mid-sentence. And so, Link had to go all the way back to the hallway, where he prepared to lure out and kill the wall master.   
  
Link: A-ha, here's the shadow, it's getting bigger, bigger, now! (moves out of the way) HA! TAKE THI- HUH?   
  
That saying was because what landed and what had captured before was not a monster in the shape of a hand, like most Wall Masters are, but it was in the shape of a foot, was covered in a weird type of fungus that Link didn't recognize, and it was giving off a smelly odor.  
  
Link: Ugh! I'm not even going to think about touching you!  
  
Link then very hastily ran to the next room. It looked just like the room where he fought the Stalfos, except there was a switch on the other side of the room.(not the switches you step on, but those crystal-like things you hit w/ a weapon) The dark booming evil voice then made it's return.  
  
DBEV: HEHEHEHEH! I'M SURPRISED YOU MADE IT SO FAR! BUT, ALAS, THERE IS NO WAY YOU WILL SURVIVE HERE ANY LONGER! BY NOW YOU MUST BE VERY CLOSE TO THE POINT OF HIGH INSANITY!  
  
Link: No, not really. It's you who sounds insane.  
  
DBEV: WHAT?! HOW DARE YOU! HEH, DOESN'T MATTER, ANYWAY, I'LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER ESCAPE THIS ROOM! IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, THE DOOR YOU USED TO COME IN HAS CLOSED, AND IS LOCKED! THE ONLY WAY OUT NOW IS TO THE FOURTH FLOOR, IF YOU CAN MAKE IT THERE! SEE THAT SWITCH? HIT IT AND YOU'LL HAVE 30 SECONDS TO MAKE IT THERE! TRY AS MUCH AS YOU LIKE, YOU'LL NEVER MAKE IT!  
  
Link: 30 seconds? I can do that! It's easy!   
  
Shika: Are you sure, Link? That voice sure seemed confident that you would never escape.  
  
Link: He's just trying to scare us, Shika. Watch, and I'll show you how easy this is!  
  
Link then ran up to the switch and hit it with his sword. Many pencils shot from the roof and formed a staircase that led to the next floor, which was on the other side of the room. It took 10 seconds or them to form. Link then ran to the stairs, which took 15 seconds, So, Link climbed the stairs for 5 seconds when a buzzer sounded and the stairs disappeared.  
  
Shika: Not so easy, is it, Link?  
  
Link: Oh, shut up, Shika, I know what to do now. I need to use a ranged weapon!  
  
Link then moved to where the foot of the stairs appeared, shot the switch with his Fairy Bow, then after the 10 seconds for the stairs to be formed, ran up the stairs for 20 seconds, then the stairs disappeared, and Link fell to the floor.  
  
Link: ARGH! HOW DO I DO THIS!?  
  
Shika: I thought you said you could do this easily, Link. Well, anyway, it appears you need some extra speed. Do you have the Bunny Hood?  
  
Link: No, I gave it to one of those creepy kids that lived inside of the moon in Termina. (Majora's Mask, for those who haven't played it.)  
  
Shika: Well, I guess we are stuck here. Oh, Link, I think you dropped that bag on the floor.  
  
Link: (picking up the bag) Oh, this is my Seed Satchel from when I saved Holodrum from General Onox (Oracle of Seasons). Hey, I still have some seeds in here! Let's see, I've got some Ember seeds, Gale seeds, Pegasus seeds.... Wait a minute, I almost forgot, Pegasus seeds increase my speed!  
  
So Link shot the switch, ate a Pegasus seed during the 10 seconds for the stairs to come, and dashed up the stairs into the Fourth Floor. Link, not wanting any encounter with the Foot-shaped Wall Master, quickly ran across the bridge into the next room, where there was another Samurai Chimp, but this one had two Scimitars, one in each hand.  
  
Shika: Link, that's a Super Samurai Chimp! They are the same as normal Samurai Chimps except they have 2 weapons!  
  
Link: Heh, no problem, I'll beat this one easily!  
  
Link rushed up to the monkey and did a Jump Attack, but the S. Samurai Chimp blocked it with one of his Scimitars, while counter-attacking Link, with the other. The chimp then back flipped away from Link, then rushed forward and hit Link with both swords. Link kept trying to block and attack, but no matter what he did his attacks were always blocked and the Chimp always hit him with at least one of the Scimitars. Soon, Link was at the 1 and a half heart stage, where he hears the annoying beeping noise in his mind that instinctively tells him he's almost dead. Link quickly backed away, and tried to rethink his strategy.  
  
Link: (while desperately dodging the Chimp's attacks) Dang, how am I supposed to hit this guy? It's impossible to attack him with those two swords at his front!  
  
Shika: Link, I've got it1 Remember what the Samurai Chimp you beat said? "When you face the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When one's front is focused on the problem, his back is waiting for disaster." He must have been talking about this guy! He's got those 2 scimitars to make sure his front is unbeatable, but his back is completely vulnerable! You need to attack his back, Link!  
  
Link: You're right! Alright, Chimp, now you're mine!  
  
Link rushed towards the chimp again. The Chimp preparing for an attack to the front got scimitar ready to block. But Link flipped over the monkey's head and did a jump attack to the chimp's back. Then, before the chimp could respond, Link then did a quick series of slices to it's back, defeating it. The chimp's scimitars disappeared, and it sat down where it was at the beginning, like the first Chimp Link beat.  
  
Chimp: Congratulations, you have bested me in combat. Since I am of a higher species of Samurai Chimps, I have the ability to heal you along with giving you a tip. Here is my tip: When facing the stronger of my species, this strategy will prove useful: When away, thou art safe. When close, thou art dead. Now, I shall bring you to full health.  
  
The Chimp placed his hand on Link's shoulder, and healed all of Link's wounds. Then, he disappeared, and a staircase to the next floor appeared.  
  
Shika: Well, it appears as if you are supposed to listen to their tips, after all.  
  
Link: I can't believe this. The only things in this place that actually have meaning are the words of talking monkeys in ninja robes who fight using Scimitars? THIS PLACE IS CRAZY!  
  
Shika: Well it's supposed to be, now let's go to the fifth floor and go to the next room! Judging from the pattern of the rooms we've been going through, I'd say that we'll meet the Dark Booming Evil Voice in the next room.  
  
Link: Yeah right, this is the Lunacy Temple, remember? I doubt they are going to follow a pattern.  
  
Shika: That's what you said about the Samurai Chimp's tip, and it turned out we DID need it, remember?  
  
Link: Whatever, let's just go to the next room!  
  
Link and Shika went to the next room, and, just like Shika said, the Dark Booming Evil Voice returned yet again.  
  
DBEV: WHAT???? YOU MADE IT PAST MY BEAUTIFUL SWITCH TRICK AND BEAT THE SUPER SAMURAI CHIMP? LORD GOSSUKA WILL BE FURIOUS! THE NEXT ROOM CONTAINS THE TREASURE YOU NEED TO GO TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE TEMPLE, SO I MUST STOP YOU AT ALL COSTS! BUT YOU MUST NO DOUBT BE DRIVEN INSANE BY NOW, CORRECT?  
  
Link: Nope, once again, I am perfectly fine, and you are as insane as ever.  
  
DBEV: ARGGGGGGH! NOW I'M REALLY MAD! LET'S SEE IF YOU CAN BEAT 2 MORE STALFOS!  
  
Just then, 2 pencils came in, crashed and created bones, which took form into 2 more Stalfos.  
  
Link: Again? Now I know you're insane.  
  
DBEV: WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT! STALFOS, DESTROY HIM!  
  
Once again, one of the Stalfos rushed up to fight Link while the other stood by and watched. Link engaged in combat with the Stalfos, and after the routine shield, jump-attack strategy Link uses to defeat Sword-and-Shield carrying foes, the Stalfos crumbled to the ground, but the bones did not dissolve. The second Stalfos rushed up, but stayed on the defensive, continually blocking, not attacking.  
  
Link: God Dangit! Why won't you attack?  
  
Shika: Link, look out behind you! That Stalfos was stalling so this could happen?  
  
When Link looked behind him, he saw that the Stalfos he had beaten had come back to life, and backed off, while the second Stalfos attacked Link while he let his guard down.  
  
Link: CRAP! I hate regenerating Stalfos!  
  
DBEV: YES, ISN'T IT LOVELY? YOU CAN TAKE ALL YOU WANT WITH THE FIRST ONE, BUT ONCE IT'S GONE, YOU ONLY HAVE A FEW MINUTES TO DEFEAT THE SECOND ONE, OR ELSE YOU START ALL OVER! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!   
  
Link: Hmm, this one defends too much, so sword attacks won't hit it, and if I do beat it, the other one will just defend until it's too late! Wait a minute, I've got an idea!  
  
Link walked up to the Stalfos that wasn't attacking. As Link suspected, the attacking Stalfos walked up to Link to attack. As soon as the second Stalfos came within reach, Link began to do strange hand movements.  
  
Link: DIN'S FIRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
A dome of flame surrounded Link, and then spread, engulfing the Stalfos. while they were busy dealing with the fire, Link rushed charged up a Spin Attack, and unleashed it, killing both Stalfos at the same time.  
  
DBEV: NOOOOOOOOO! YOU BEAT THEM! NOW ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BEAT A MINI-BOSS TO GET YOUR TREASURE! BUT YOU'LL BE NO MATCH FOR HIM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
The floor then began to move, and Link and Shika were transported up to the top floor of the can. When they exited their room, there was no door on the other side of the main chamber. Instead, directly across from Link, was the first Mini-Boss. It was a giant ladybug, and on top of it was what appeared to be a giant Banana with arms, legs, eyes, and a mouth.  
  
Banana: Ah, you must be Link, the stupid swordsman who dared to enter our Temple. Well, you shall journey no further! I, General Squishypeels, shall defeat you!  
  
Link: Squishypeels? What kind of stupid name is that?  
  
Squishypeels: What? You dare insult my glorious name? For that you shall die! Spotty, attack!  
  
Boss music started to play, as Spotty (the giant ladybug) started to paw the ground like a bull, and under him, in big letters, appeared:  
  
MINI-BOSS 1  
  
GENERAL SQUISHYPEELS  
BANANA GENERAL OF DOOM  
  
The letters disappeared, and Spotty started to glow red, while Squishypeels took something from his body and threw it at Link. The projectile hit Link, making him immobile.  
  
Link: What is this stuff?  
  
Squishypeels: It is my Banana Goop of Terror! It will keep you stuck to the ground so I can run you over! SPOTTY, CHARGE!!!!!!!!!!!1  
  
Spotty then charged forward at full speed, and, with Link not being able to move, hit him at full blast, knocking Link onto his back. The good side to this was that Link was no longer stuck. Spotty then backed up, and started to glow red again. Squishypeels threw more goop at Link, but this time Link dodged it.  
  
Link: Haha, your stupid goop missed me! I can beat you easily, you stupid piece of banana cr-AHHHHH!  
  
Before Link could finish his insult, Spotty had charged forward, and rammed into Link once again. Spotty then backed up and glowed red. Squishypeels threw the goop yet again, and once again it was dodged.  
As soon as Link dodged it, Link threw his boomerang at Squishypeels. It did not hit him, but instead hit Spotty, stunning him. Link taking the advantage, rushed up and sliced Spotty in half, leaving Squishypeels to fend for himself.  
  
Squishypeels: AHHH! YOU HAVE KILLED MY LOYAL STEED! NOW YOU SHALL PAY! SUPER BANANA GOOP ATTACK!  
  
Squishypeels threw a HUGE mass of banana goop at Link, which he failed to dodge and got stuck in. Squishypeels then rushed up and began punching Link. Unfortunately for Squishypeels, his punches were weak and did not do much damage, and soon the goop wore off, and Link quickly finished off Squishypeels.  
  
Link: Heh, what a weakling! He was nothing without his ladybug. Now for my treasure!  
  
In the middle of the room, a treasure chest magically appeared. Link ran up to it and opened it and he took out his prize: a pooper-scooper.  
  
Link: A pooper-scooper? THIS is what I get for going through all that!  
  
Suddenly the item music played, and the You've Got a New Item Voice spoke  
  
YGNIV: YOU'VE GOT THE POOPER-SCOOPER OF POWER! USE THIS TO MAGICALLY MOVE POOP WITHOUT HAVING TO TOUCH IT! ALSO, AS LONG AS YOU HAVE IT WITH YOU, YOU WON'T BE AFFECTED BY THE SMELL OF POOP!  
  
Shika: Hey Link! Now you can move that pile of crap blocking the way to the other side!  
  
Link: Good. I can't wait to get out of this god-forsaken place.  
  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, it appears as though Link and Shika have made it half-way through the Lunacy Temple, but much more awaits them. Next Chapter, Link will go through the other half of the temple, where he will meet up with Gossuka again, fight another Mini-boss, and discover the identity of the Dark Booming Evil Voice. I promise you won't have to wait as long as you did for this chapter to read Chapter 4: Drunken Oxen, Possessed Swans, and the Lunacy Medallion! 


	4. Drunken Oxen, Posessed Swans and the Lun...

THE TEMPLES OF FANFICTION  
  
A Legend of Zelda fanfic by Mousse1/2  
  
CHAPTER 4: DRUNKEN OXEN, POSSESSED SWANS, AND THE LUNACY MEDALLION!  
  
Author Notes: Well, I told you that you wouldn't have to wait that long for this chapter, and so here it is! The rest of the Lunacy Temple! Ok, In the next chapter Link meets the 2nd Sage and enters the 2nd Temple, so I need a Sage to give me enough info to do the rest and make a good 3 chapters. Because now that the first Temple is over with, I'll need to be able to write up the next Temple quick! So to the Sages, decide upon which of you wants to go next! Also, no more applying for Sages please. I have decided my Angst Sage and I am currently trying to choose out of four different people for the Horror Sage. BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STILL REVIEW! And now for the disclaimer: I don't own Zelda, I only own Shika, Gossuka, the Samurai Chimps, and any other enemy that appears that has never appeared anywhere else! Now, LET THE FOURTH CHAPTER BEGIN!!!!!!  
  
  
Last time, on the Temples of Fanfiction, Link ignored the words of the Dark Booming Evil Voice, and ventured forth into the Lunacy Temple, which turned out to be a giant Pepsi can. Inside, Link went from bottom to top in the first half of the can, in which he battled Stalfos, Samurai Chimps, and the evil Mini-Boss, General Squishypeels, who he defeated in order to receive the Pooper-Scooper of Power, a device which allows Link to move poop anywhere he wants, while not being able to smell it! Last time we left Link and Shika, they were about to move the giant pile of feces blocking the way to the second half of the can.  
  
Link: Alright, we're halfway through this stupid place, now to do the other half!  
  
Link took out the Pooper-Scooper of Power, pointed it at the giant turd blocking the way to the other side of the can, and turned it on. The Pooper Scooper started to glow red, and then the pile of crap floated in the air. Link violently swung the pooper scooper towards the other side of the room, and the poop slew to that area, leaving the passage to the other side clear.  
  
Shika: You did it, Link! Now we can go the other side.  
And Link and Shika did just that. When they were on the other side, a door closed behind them and locked, trapping them in the new side of the Temple. On the other side of the room was a door to the next room. Link looked around, and confirmed that the layout of this side was the same as the first side, with 5 bridges above them, each one connected to the next bridge via a room. Link and Shika walked through the main area to the next room. This room was fairly larger than the other rooms connecting the bridges, and there was a cage along one of the walls, although Link could not see what was inside. It was here that the Dark Booming Evil Voice returned yet again.  
  
DBEV: SO, YOU MANAGED TO DEFEAT GENERAL SQUISHYPEELS, DID YOU? WELL, HE WAS A WEAKLING! DON'T EXPECT THE OTHER MINI-BOSS YOU FACE HERE TO BE AS EASY! IN FACT, I DOUBT YOU'LL SURVIVE LONG ENOUGH TO FACE HIM! YOU'RE BRAIN MUST ALREADY BE MUSH BY NOW FROM ALL OF THE INSANITY CAUSED BY THIS LOVELY TEMPLE!  
  
Link: Nope, but you still seem to be just as cuckoo as ever.  
  
DBEV: AGGH! WHY DO YOU ALWAYS INSULT ME LIKE THAT! NOW YOU MUST FACE THE CONTENTS OF THAT CAGE! PREPARE TO MEET YOUR DOOM! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
The cage then slowly opened, and a huge dark figured walked slowly out of the cage. Actually, it stumbled, and seemed as if it just couldn't walk straight. Finally, when it got close enough for Link to see it, Link found out what it was: a giant Ox.  
  
Link: Giant Oxen? That's what you have to fight me? This will be easier than the Stalfos!  
  
Shika: Wait a minute, Link! That's not your ordinary Oxen! It's..... GIANT DRUNKEN OXEN! These are oxen that are so drunk, they don't have any idea of their surroundings! Because of this, they are very unpredictable, so watch out!  
  
Link: Heh, dodging is no problem. I can handle this!  
  
And so the battle began. The Ox continued to stumble randomly, while Link easily dodged it and sliced it with the Master Sword. After a few minutes of this, the Ox looked as it was about to keel over, and then vomited at Link. The putrid projectile hit, causing Link to almost lose consciousness, and greatly decrease in his dexterity. Now Link could walk no straighter than the Ox, being so sick from the vomit.  
  
Link: Ick! What was that for?  
  
Shika: It appears as if the Ox has gone into Hangover Mode! This happens whenever a Drunken Ox is almost at the point of death, and it enables him to spit a vomit that makes the victim pass out and get crushed by the Ox!  
  
Link: Then how come I haven't passed out yet?  
  
Shika: It must be the Pooper-Scooper of Power! Since poop is fully digested food, and vomit is half digested food, the pooper scooper must be reacting to it at half-power!  
  
Link: Well, then let's hope half-power is enough to get this stuff off of me!  
  
Link tried to reach into his tunic to grab the pooper scooper, but because of his poor coordination on account of the vomit, missed. Finally, after 10 failures, and right when the Ox was about to hit Link, Link got the pooper scooper, pointed it at the vomit, and turned it on. The scooper glowed again, and Link raised the vomit off of him, and flung it away, where it hit the Ox. Now in a Hangover and covered in vomit, the Ox stopped in it's tracks and died out of pure sickness and disgust. It's remains disappeared in green smoke, all traces of the vomit vanished, and the floor moved, taking Link and Shika to the next floor.  
  
Link: Ugh, I HATE Drunken Oxen!  
  
Shika: Well, now it's gone, so let's go to the next room!  
  
In the center of the next room was yet another Samurai Chimp. But, when this one stood up, not only did a Scimitar appear in each hand, but one appeared held by it's tail as well.  
  
Link: Oh great, this one has 3 scimitars.  
  
Shika: That's an Ultra Samurai Chimp! This one holds a third scimitar with its tail, so you can't attack it from the back like you did with the Super Samurai Chimp! Try to remember the Super Chimp's tip!  
  
The Chimp then began it's attack, spinning wildly, creating a wild bladed tornado, which cut Link 5 times before he backed away trying to remember the tip the Super Samurai Chimp gave him.  
  
Link: (while trying to dodge the Chimp's spinning attack) hmm, lessee, what was that tip again? Was it "When close, thou art safe, when away, thou art dead"? Yeah, I think that was it! That means if I want to win, I need to attack as close as possible!  
  
And so, Link rushed up to the spinning Chimp to attack, but he was promptly slashed like crazy from the blades. But still, Link kept trying, and still, Link kept failing.  
  
Shika: Link, you idiot! You got it the other way around! It's "when away, thou art safe, when close, thou art dead," remember? You need to use long-range weapons to beat it!  
  
So, Link abruptly changed his strategy. He backed up far from the chimp, took out his Bow, and charged up a Light Arrow. Finally, when the arrow was fully charged, he fired. The arrow slipped through the scimitars for a direct hit, defeating the chimp.  
  
Link: All that hassle, and it only took ONE LIGHT ARROW to beat him!?  
  
Chimp: Congratulations, you have bested me in combat so now I heal you and give you this tip: When you face the next Mini-Boss, this strategy will help you succeed: When beauty is made dirty, it does not bode well in combat.  
  
The Chimp then disappeared, and stairs appeared, leading to the third floor. Link and Shika went to the third floor, and went across the bridge to the next room. It was here that, yet again, they confronted the Dark Booming Evil Voice.  
  
DBEV: WHAT? YOU BEST MT OXEN AND GOSSUKA'S ULTRA SAMURAI CHIMP! ARGGGGGGH! THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO LET YOU ESCAPE THIS TIME! COME, ULTIMATE MOBLIN!  
  
A giant pencil shot out from the ceiling, and out of it came a HUGE sleeping Moblin, with a REALLY REALLY HUGE spiked club.  
  
DBEV: HAH! IT MAY BE SLEEPING, BUT WITH THE RACKET YOU MAKE WHEN YOU WALK, YOU'LL WAKE IT EASILY! NOW I'M GONNA LEAVE BEFORE YOU CALL ME INSANE AGAIN! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: He's crazier than ever.  
  
DBEV: I HEARD THAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Shika: Ok, Link, we need to walk really slowly so that we don't wake the Moblin!  
  
Link: No we don't, that insane voice was probably trying to scare us! I've dealt with a Moblin like this, at the entrance to the Sacred Forest Meadow!  
  
Shika: Are you sure? This one looks really big.  
  
Link: Not a problem! All I have to do is shoot him with one of my arrows!  
  
Link charged up an arrow and shot it at the giant Moblin. The Moblin woke up and stood up, revealing itself to be about 3 times the size of the Moblin that guarded the Sacred Forest Meadow. It looked at Link, and raised it's club high in the air  
  
Link: Eep!  
  
Link frantically took out his Ocarina and played Zelda's Lullaby. The Moblin went back to sleep.  
  
Link: Well, maybe we should just walk through slowly.  
  
Link and Shika went slowly through the room and stepped on the switch. The giant Moblin burst into flames and burned to the ashes, shrieking in pain all the way.  
  
Link: That was all I had to do to kill this guy. Hah, these enemies are getting easier by the second! I'll defeat Gossuka in no time!  
  
Shika: I wouldn't be so sure about that if I were you, Link. You haven't even rescued the first Sage yet! Hey, the floor's moving! We're at the fourth floor now, Link!  
  
Link and Shika went out of the room into the fourth floor of the main chamber. And at the very end of the bridge, in front of the next room, was Gossuka.  
  
Gossuka: So, Link, it appears as though you are about 75% through your first Temple. I didn't think you'd get this far!  
  
Link: GOSSUKA! IT'S YOU! You rotten piece of crap! DIE!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link rushed up to Gossuka and swung his sword, but Gossuka caught the blade in his hand. He then glowed a bright blue, and sent an electric shock through the blade and to Link. Link felt the intense pain of the electricity, and then went flying back to where he came from the huge shock that followed.  
  
Gossuka: Hahahahahahahah! You're no match for me, Link! You are far from the point you need to be at in order to defeat my power! I could kill you now, but I think I'll have a little fun with you first. Come into the next room, if you dare!  
  
Gossuka then walked into the next room, leaving Shika and Link on the bridge. Link, slowly got up and glared at the spot where Gossuka.  
  
Link: Argh, that stupid Gossuka! He makes me sick! I'm going in after him!  
  
Shika: Wait, Link, I'm coming too!  
  
Link and Shika went into the room that Gossuka went into. It was a large room with a large pile of crap in each corner. at the other side of the room, was a platform on which rested a beautiful swan, which was sleeping. Gossuka was standing right next to the Swan.  
  
Gossuka: So, you decided to come after all! Hmm, maybe you aren't so much of a wuss as I thought. But, anyway, do you see this swan here? This is one of my creations, Ferdinand. He was created as a perfect fighting swan. Unfortunately, he turned out to be good, and is the best friend of that wretched SS4 Psycho Link. But, after I possess it, it will be just as evil as me! Prepare to die, Link!  
  
Gossuka then transformed into a thick smoke, which seeped into the swan's head. The swan then awakened, and glared at Link. It then stood up and flapped it's wings, and the Boss Music began to play. White letters then appeared below the swan:  
  
MINI-BOSS 2  
  
FERDINAND  
  
POSSESSED GRACEFUL SWAN  
  
The possessed Ferdinand then started to hover up into the air, followed by a quick aerial rush, which made a direct hit to Link and knocked him down. It then flew up to the ceiling, where it hovered.  
  
Link: Why you..... I'll teach you!  
  
Link took out his bow and fired an arrow at the swan, but Ferdinand quickly dodged it and zoomed towards Link again. Link tried to dodge, but once again got hit.  
  
Link: Dang! He's too fast! I can't it him or dodge him!  
  
Shika: Link, use the Pegasus Seeds! They'll make you faster so you can dodge the swan!  
Link: You're right! I almost forgot about those!  
  
Link ate a Pegasus seed, and managed to dodge the next attack, but still couldn't hit the swan with the bow. The next time Ferdinand attacked, Link dodged and tried to hit it while the swan flew by, but all Link hit was air.  
  
Shika: Link, it's no use! Ferdinand is too fast to attack, and those arrows are too small to ensure a hit while he's hovering!  
  
Link: (while dodging Ferdinand) You're right, I need a bigger projectile. Aha! The piles of poop! I'll try them!  
  
Link took the pooper scooper of power and used it on one of the piles of poop. He levitated it, and when Ferdinand started to hover, Link hit it with the poop. The swan, disgusted with its beauty ruined, fell down in shock. Link ran up to hit it while it was down, but the swan was too quick for him. However, Link noticed that Ferdinand was moving slower than before.  
  
Link: Oh, I get it! It's like what that chimp said! When beauty is made dirty, it does not bide well in combat! The more poop I get on him, the slower he gets!  
  
While Link was busy talking, Ferdinand had flown up to the ceiling again, and had been doing strange movements with his wings. As soon as Link finished his talking, Ferdinand shot some of his feathers at Link, piercing his skin.  
  
Link: OW! YOU STUPID SWAN! TAKE THIS!  
  
Link then used the Pooper Scooper of Power to control another pile of poop. He easily dodged the next attack, and hit the swan again with the crap. Ferdinand fell down, but still managed to get up before Link could hit it. When Ferdinand got to the ceiling, he shot feathers at Link again, but he blocked them with his Shield. Ferdinand then, instead of charging at Link, floated down to the ground, and started to spin gracefully. Fortunately for Link, the swan was even slower from the second dosage of feces, so Link managed to dodge the attack, and get another pile of crap. He floated it up, but then Ferdinand charged. hitting Link and breaking the link between Link and the crap. Of course, Link just used the Pooper Scooper to regain control of the dung, and hit Ferdinand with it. Instead of trying to attack again though, this time Link used the Pooper Scooper on the last pile of poop and flung it onto Ferdinand. Ferdinand passed out from the massive smell, and Link rushed up and did a long series of sword slashes. A bright flash then emitted from Ferdinand, the poop disappeared, and the smoke came out of the swan's head and took form into Gossuka.  
  
Gossuka: Dangit! DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT DANGIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW DID YOU KNOW THE SECRET TO BEATING FERDINAND!?  
  
Link: The Monkey told me!  
  
Gossuka: DANGIT! I KNEW I SHOULDN'T HAVE TRUSTED THEM! AND SINCE I ALREADY USED A LOT OF MY POWER TO POSSESS FERDINAND, SO NOW I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY CASTLE AND RECHARGE! DARK BOOMING EVIL VOICE!  
  
DBEV: YES, LORD GOSSUKA?  
  
Gossuka: I want you to make sure that Link does not leave this place alive, you got that?  
  
DBEV: YES, LORD GOSSUKA, YOU HAVE MY WORD. I'LL MAKE SURE THIS MEDDLING HYLIAN PAYS FOR INTERFERING IN YOUR TEMPLE.  
  
Gossuka: Good. You do that. Now I'm off!  
  
Then, Gossuka disappeared in a dark cloud of smoke, and Ferdinand regained consciousness.  
  
Ferdinand: Link, I would like to save you for saving me from that horrible Gossuka. Please take this feather.  
  
Link: Uh-huh. And what does it do?  
  
Ferdinand: Um, I don't think it does anything special.  
  
Link: Ugh, how is it supposed to help me then?  
  
Ferdinand: Well, I guess you could also have whatever is in that chest over there.  
  
Link: Oh, cool, I didn't notice that!  
  
Link then went and opened the treasure chest, which contained the Boss Key. Yet, while there was a door near the ceiling that led to the 5th floor, no staircase appeared.  
  
Link: Oh great, now how am I supposed to get up to the next floor.  
  
Ferdinand: Well, Link, I-  
  
Link: Shut up, swan. Now let's see, there's no way to Hookshot over there, and-  
  
Ferdinand: But, Link, you -  
  
Link: Be quiet, Ferdie, I'm trying to think.   
  
While Link tried to think of a way to go up, Ferdinand talked to Shika.  
  
Ferdinand: He just won't listen!  
  
Shika: Don't worry. I know what to do.  
  
Shika then flew up to Link's ear and did one of the most horrible things known to mankind.  
  
Shika: HEY! LISTEN!  
  
Link: AHHH! WHAT DO YOU WANT!  
  
Shika: Ferdinand was trying to tell you that you could ride him to the next floor.  
  
Link: Oh, Why didn't I think of that?  
  
And so Link and Shika went to the fifth floor. In the next room, Link met up with the Dark Booming Evil Voice yet again.  
  
DBEV: SO! IF IT ISN'T YOU! THERE'S NO WAY YOU CAN BEAT ME NOW! WITH YOU BEING SO WEAK FROM THE LAST BATTLE, THERE IS NO WAY IN HECK YOU'LL BE ABLE TO STAND ANOTHER STALFOS!  
  
Link: You've got to be kidding.  
  
A single Stalfos appeared pencil style, which Link disposed of easily.  
  
DBEV: NO! YOU BEAT IT! AND NOW JUST ONE ROOM STANDS BETWEEN YOU AND THE BOSS! LORD GOSSUKA IS GONNA KILL ME!  
  
Link: That was it? You are totally insane!  
  
DBEV: ARGGGGGGH! THAT'S IT! WE'LL SEE IF YOU'RE STILL LAUGHING WHEN THE BOSS CRUSHES YOU TO PIECES!  
  
Link then moved up to the sixth floor, where he confronted another Ultra Samurai Chimp, which he easily defeated.  
  
Chimp: Good job, boom, you're healed, now here's your tip: Use Cuccos to beat the boss. Bye.  
  
Link: Wasn't he a bit less sophisticated than those other Chimps?  
  
Shika: He must be new. The other Chimps talk like that because they were driven insane by the fact that they would have to live here for eternity, or until Gossuka is defeated.  
  
Link: Oh, ok. Hey, wait a minute! The sixth floor is the top floor? So where do we fight the boss?  
  
Shika: Um, Link, look below you.  
  
Link looked down at his feet, and found that he was standing on a panel with a keyhole and above the keyhole, in big red letters, were the words INSERT BOSS KEY IN KEYHOLE TO FIGHT BOSS.  
  
Link: Oh. Well, time to fight!  
  
Link put the key in the keyhole and the panel he was standing on glowed green, and teleported Link to another place. Link the panel to find he was back on top of the Pepsi Can. It was different from when Link first entered the temple in that there were piles of poop along the edge of the can, on one side was a nest with a bunch of Cuccos, and on the other side was a huge black curtain blocking something.  
  
Link: So this is where I fight the boss huh? Back in the first room? That's odd.  
  
DBEV: THAT'S BECAUSE IT'S THE LUNACY TEMPLE IDIOT! HAH, YOU MUST BE SCARED NOW, BECAUSE YOU MUST NOW FACE THE WRATH OF THIS TEMPLE'S BOSS!  
  
Link: Um, actually, no. Wait a minute, that voice sounds closer than before.  
  
Shika: It's coming from behind that curtain, Link!  
  
Link then ran up to the curtain and ripped it to shreds revealing behind it..... ANNE ROBINSON, FORMER HOST OF THE WEAKEST LINK, WITH A VOICE CHANGER!  
  
Link: So, YOU'RE THE DARK BOOMING EVIL VOICE!  
  
Anne: (normal voice) That's right, Link, I am not only the Dark Booming Evil Voice, but I am also the boss of this temple. AND NOW YOU SHALL PAY FOR ALL OF THE INSULTS! COME, BOSS MUSIC AND ANNOYING SUBTITLES!  
  
The Boss Music started to play, and words started to appear under Anne  
  
LUNACY TEMPLE BOSS  
ANNE ROBINSON  
FORMER ANNOYING BRITISH GAME SHOW HOST  
  
Anne: MUAHAHHAHHAHHAHA! YOU MUST BE SCARED NOW! COWER UNDER THE WRATH OF ME! YOU MUST BE STARK RAVING MAD NOW! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Link: Nope. You are. And now, I'm gonna kick your butt!  
  
Link then used the pooper scooper of power and flung poop onto the Cuccos covering them, and seeping into their feathers. This of course made the Cuccos very very mad, and they began to rush towards Link. Link then used the Pooper Scooper to control the Cuccos, with them being so consumed by the crap, and flung them towards Anne. When the Cuccos hit Anne, they did the only thing a Cucco would do when covered with poop and flung into something. They pecked the thing they hit to death. When Anne died, the Cuccos disappeared, and a red teleportation thing appeared in the center of the arena.  
  
Shika: Link, how did you know how to beat her?  
  
Link: It's a simple equation= poop covered Cuccos+ total control over poop= Dead Boss. Duh. Well, anyway, that couldn't have been it. Let's go in that portal!  
  
Link and Shika went into the teleporter, and appeared in a place very similar to the Chamber of Sages, except the symbols were different. Suddenly on the circle that had the image of a Smiley face with the mouth wide open, tongue hanging out, and googly eyes on it appeared SS4 Psycho Link.  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Congrats, Link, you've saved me from the Lunacy Temple!  
  
Link: Wait a minute, that was it? ALL THOSE ENEMIES, AND THE BOSS WAS THE EASIEST ONE?  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Well, it isn't called the Lunacy Temple for no reason.  
  
Link: Wait a minute, I thought you were a crazy lunatic!  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Well, this Chamber is next door to the Original Chamber of Sages, and the Sages said that if I act crazy here, Saria will send her fairy in here.  
  
Link: ::shudder:: Well, anyway, now what do I do?  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Now you get to go find the other 6 Temples! Oh, but first take the Lunacy Medallion  
  
That thingy where the medallion falls down from the sky happened and Link got the medallion.  
  
Link: Cool. What does it do?  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Nothing, except for gain you access to Gossuka's castle when you have all 7 medallions.  
  
Link: Then why can't you just give me all 7 after I rescue you all.  
  
SS4 Psycho Link: Some kind of Sage rule that that fat @$$ Rauru made to "liven things up a bit" And if we don't obey it, he sits on us.  
  
Link: ::shudder:: Well, anyway, bye!  
  
Link was then transported to the middle of Hyrule Market, in front of the Disco, which suddenly collapsed.  
  
Link: Why did that happen?  
  
Shika: Well, I guess since the main reason for the Disco was to hold the Lunacy Temple, and you beat the Lunacy Temple, there's no need for the Disco anymore.  
  
LINK: yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, LET'S FIND OUR NEXT TEMPLE!!!!!!!!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, that's it, Link and Shika have finally beaten the Lunacy Temple and rescued SS4 Psycho Link, the Sage of Lunacy. Next time, Link meets up with Kaepora Gaebora yet again, and goes into the Action Temple. So review heartily and don't forget to return to read Chapter 5: Action-packed madness in the Haunted Wasteland! 


	5. Action-packed Madness at the Haunted Was...

The Temples of Fanfiction  
  
A Legend of Zelda fanfic by Mousse1/2  
  
Chapter 5: Action-packed madness in the Haunted Wasteland!  
  
Author Note: Yo, this is Mousse1/2, with chapter 5 of The Temples of Fanfiction! Ok, let me make this perfectly clear: NO MORE APPLYING FOR SAGES! They are all chosen except for Horror (still), but that is because I am trying to choose between two applicants who both gave good ideas. Oh, and to the person who flamed me: HOW DARE YOU! I'll let you go for now, since it's the first offense, but ANY MORE FLAMERS WILL MEET SERIOUS CONSEQUENCES!!!!! MUAHAHHAHHAHHAHA!!! Oh, and to the person who defended my flame, THANK YOU! Oh, and I am thinking about other fics to write along with this. I am gonna write all of them eventually, but I will only have time to write one other until this is finished. At the end of this chapter there will be a summary of the fics and a poll of which fic you think I should do first. Oh, and one final note: I LOVE MSTS! I WOULD BE SOOOO HONORED AND SOOOO HAPPY IF SOMEONE WOULD MST MY FIC! AND, EVEN IF ONE IS MADE, I DON'T CARE! THE MORE THE BETTER! SO, MST MY FIC TO YOUR HEART'S CONTENT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Oh, and I don't own Zelda. Now, CHAPTER FIVE!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link and Shika went through the rest of the Lunacy Temple and beat the Boss, Anne Robinson, rescuing the Sage of Lunacy, SS4 Psycho Link. Now, Link and Shika are exiting Hyrule Castle Town to search for the next Temple.  
  
Link: Well, that was easy, now where's that owl?  
  
Shika: Hey, Link, there's a flying object coming toward us! Maybe it's Kaepora Gaebora!  
  
But it wasn't. As the object got closer, Link recognized it as a large Dragon. And, riding on top of it was a man, a bit taller and less muscular than Link, with light purple hair that had some feathers in it. He was dressed all in white, and wore a cape. The Dragon landed, and the man jumped off and faced Link.  
  
Man: You! You must be Link, correct?  
  
Link: That's right! Why, are you one of Gossuka's servants?  
  
Man: Hmm? No, I am not a servant of his, but I am one of his creations. I am the DragonMage, a lone being searching for perfection. I heard you were a powerful fighter, and had already rescued one of the 7 new Sages from Gossuka's Lunacy Temple. I am here to challenge you to a duel!  
  
Link: Uh-huh. Sorry, but I don't have time to fight people like you who are obviously too weak to stand against me. Who's the stupid looking dragon, anyway?  
  
DragonMage: WHAT! HOW DARE YOU! YOU WILL PAY FOR THAT! AND PEPSIDRAGON ISN'T STUPID! HE'S ONE OF THE STRONGEST CREATURES IN HYRULE!  
  
Link: DragonMage and PepsiDragon? What kind of names are those? They sound kind of stupid to me!  
  
DragonMage: HOW DARE YOU! PREPARE TO DIE!!!!!!!!!  
  
DragonMage then went into a fighting stance, Boss Music started to play, and white letters appeared under DragonMage  
  
BETWEEN TEMPLE MINI-BOSS  
  
DRAGONMAGE, STAGE 1  
  
ARROGANT MARTIAL ARTIST  
  
The letters disappeared, and DragonMage leapt forward with a flying kick that hit Link in the neck. However, that was the only attack of his that hit, as he turned out to have the difficulty of the average Stalfos. All Link had to do was dodge DragonMage's punches and kicks, and then counter-attack with the Master Sword. After a few hits, the Boss Music ended, and DragonMage fell to his knees.  
DragonMage: I-I can't believe it! I actually lost!  
  
Link: What, you thought that you could beat me with those weak attacks? You were pathetic!  
  
DragonMage: Argh! I'LL SHOW YOU! YOU HAVEN'T SEEN THE LAST OF ME LINK! NEXT TIME YOU FIGHT ME, YOU'LL BE THE PATHETIC ONE!!!!!!!  
  
DragonMage then jumped onto PepsiDragon and flew away. While they were flying, a lantern similar to the ones Poes hold fell down and crashed onto the ground and broke. Out of the lantern came the ghostly figure of a young woman. The woman looked at Link and spoke.  
  
Ghost: Thank you for rescuing me! I am the ghost of Martha, an old friend of SS4 Psycho Link. I died from a tragic Cucco accident, and that nasty old DragonMage captured my spirit into that lantern. But, since you have rescued me, I will now teach you some useful skills. For example, do you know what the feather you hold does?  
  
Link: (taking out the feather Ferdinand gave him in the last chapter) What, you mean this? What will this do?  
  
Marsha: Yes. That is the Ultimate Feather. It holds many powers. First, the power of Featheriness, which makes you soft and feathery. Second, the power of Featherysoftness, which makes you be able to pick up a pound of rocks as easily as you could pick up a pound of feathers. And lastly, I grant you the power of Featherylightness, which allows you to jump .0234 millimeters higher than usual. Use these powers well, Link.  
  
Link: Wait a minute, those powers are useless!  
  
Marsha: OK, then I will teach you the Song Of Feathers. ::takes out 2 feathers and makes a whistle out of them:: learn this song well, Link  
  
A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A, A.  
  
Marsha: Play this song whenever you see a Cucco, and it will refill your life and magic. Goodbye Link, and do not fail me.   
Marsha then disappeared, and Link and Shika began to journey a bit further away from Castle Town, when Link heard a giggling from behind him. He turned around, and saw a mysterious girl wrapped in a dark cloak.  
  
Girl: You, the one with the Legendary Master Sword. You must be on your guard. That man you defeated will return, and each time you fight him he will be more and more powerful and difficult to defeat. You must keep your wits if you are to cross the burning sands to the next Temple.  
  
The girl then giggled again, and then disappeared in a puff of smoke, leaving Link to wonder.  
  
Link: Who was that?  
  
Shika: Look, Link, it's another flying object! It may be DragonMage!  
  
Link: You're right! I better be prepared!  
  
Link got his Master Sword and Mirror Shield out, and prepared to meet the oncoming enemy. However, this time it was not DragonMage, but Kaepora Gaebora.  
  
KG: So we meet again, Link. I am here to teach you the song that will lead you to the next Temple.  
  
Link: Ok, so what is it?  
  
KG: It is something that pumps the adrenaline in one's muscles, something that will excite the mind and prepare it for anything. However, too much on the wrong subject can be a traumatic experience. Listen to this, the Song of Action.  
  
Link: What, no funny name for the song, like Bolero or Minuet this time?  
  
KG: We're running out of music vocabulary. Anyway, listen to the Song of Action.  
  
(really fast, but not as fast as the Overture of Lunacy)  
  
^ vv  
  
Link repeated the song on his Ocarina, and KG left before Link could threaten him to tell where the Temple is like the last time.  
  
Link: Ok, so I know the song, now where do I go?  
  
Shika: Link, remember what that mysterious girl said? "You must keep your wits if you are to cross the burning sands to the next Temple." Where is it that there is desert terrain?  
  
Link: Gerudo Valley! Let's go, Shika.  
  
And so, Link and Shika journeyed forward to Gerudo Valley. Just like in Hyrule Castle Town, there were more people than normal, on account of Gossuka. The carpenter's tent was filled with people. But what caught Link's eye was a man outside the tent who was packing weapons and other items. The man looked at Link, and then walked over to him.  
  
Man: Hey, You're Link, aren't you? My name is Funky Monkey Quack Quack, or FMQQ for short. I've heard rumors of one of Gossuka's 7 Temples being located in the Haunted Wasteland. I'm going there to check it out, so hopefully I can help stop Gossuka. You already defeated his first Temple, didn't you? Why don't you come along with me?  
  
Link: Ok, but do you have the pass to get through Gerudo's Fortress?  
  
FMQQ: No, but you don't need them anymore.  
  
Link: Why?  
  
FMQQ: Well, when Gossuka created all these new people, a large amount ended up in Gerudo's Valley. Only about 5 percent of the new people were Gerudos, so they just couldn't force all of these people out of here. So what they did is they only let the strongest, fastest, etc. of us live here. Anyway, let's go to the Haunted Wasteland and find that Temple!  
  
Link, Shika, and FMQQ went to the Haunted Wasteland. It turned out that FMQQ had his own pair of Hover Boots, so they were both able to cross the first peril. However, as soon as they landed on the other side of the quicksand, a sandstorm started. The sandstorm was much larger than the ones that usually occur in the Haunted Wasteland. Link couldn't even see his own hands in front of his eyes, and he had to close his eyes to prevent all the sand from going into them. Link heard FMQQ struggling to fight the winds of the storm, but it sounded like he failed, as he let out a scream of anger and was blown away.   
  
Shika: Link, play the Song of Storms! That usually clears up the storm!  
  
Link: That's right! I almost forgot!  
  
Link took out his Ocarina and played the Song of Storms. But alas, nothing happened. Link then frantically played everything he knew. When he came to the Song of Action and played it, the storm instantly cleared up. But then, a huge sand tornado came and caught Link. Link couldn't see anything, and became unconscious from the high winds.  
  
When Link awoke, he found himself in front of the building that he always called the Poe from. He went to the top of the building and used the Lens of Truth, but the Poe wasn't there. So Link, confused, went off of the building and searched for clues of where the Temple was. While searching, he tripped on a rock and fell down into the bottom of the building. After the rough landing, Link noticed that there were many cracks in the walls. He took Bomb out of his pocket and placed it against the wall. He then ran far enough from the bomb so he wouldn't get hurt. The bomb exploded, breaking the wall and showing what lied beyond, a rock path, surrounded by lava, leading to a building that appeared to be made of coal. Over the top of the entrance to the building, in big red letters were the words, "ACTION TEMPLE".  
  
Shika: Wow, Link, you found out where the Action Temple is! And, judging by the fact that he was separated from you in that sandstorm, FMQQ must be the Sage of Action!  
  
Link: Alright, then, let's go in there and kick the butts of whatever enemies there are in there!  
  
Link walked into the Action Temple, and found he was standing on a platform surrounded by torches. The platform had the symbol of a large fist on it. There was a large stone door with the same symbol on it in front of Link.  
  
Link: Oh, c'mon! I did this to open the Shadow Temple! This is easy!  
  
Link tried to use Din's Fire, but for some strange reason the sandstorm had taken away all of his MP.   
  
Link: CRAP!  
  
Shika: Hey look Link, there's a torch that's lit in that corner! I guess you have to use Deku Sticks.  
  
So, Link had to use countless amounts of Deku Sticks to pass the flame to all of the torches. Finally, after about an hour of lighting torches, the door opened.  
  
Link: Ugh, I NEVER want to do that again!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Well, looks like Link and Shika have made it to the Action Temple! But what enemies must they face in order to save Funky Monkey Quack Quack, the Sage of Action? Find out in Chapter 6: Link gets some Action!  
  
Ok, folks, it's time for that poll! Here are the fics I'm thinking of:  
  
1. Hercule Goes Super Saiyan: DBZ, Humor/Action-Adventure. After a strange event happens, Hercule and Goku switch blood! Because of this, Goku gets a lot weaker, and Hercule becomes the strongest man in the universe, and even gains the abilities to fly, shoot ki, and turn Super Saiyan! Will the Z crew manage to beat their new foe while still keeping their sanity?  
  
2. Link Nibun No Ichi: Zelda, Humor/Parody. It's the plot of Ranma 1/2, with the Zelda world and characters! So far I've got Link as Ranma, Zelda as Akane, Ganondorf as Ryoga, Saria as Shampoo, Mido as Mousse, Ruto as Kodachi, Malon as Ukyo, and Kaepora Gaebora as Happosai (hehehehehheeheh.....) I will think up the other characters as I go along.  
  
3. Tournament Saga. Different Series. Humor/Action-Adventure. This will be a series of 8 16-person fighting tournaments, each one held in different worlds. The worlds will be Hyrule/Termina, (Zelda, duh), Nerima (Ranma 1/2), Jowston (Suikoden, a game for Playstation), Z world (DBZ), Balamb (Final Fantasy 8), Alexandria (Final Fantasy 9), Mushroom Kingdom (Mario), and the Real World (reality). People will vote on who they want to win. When all of the tournaments are done, the 4 top fighters from each world will all fight in a Final 32-person Tournament. If you vote for this, I promise I will do the Zelda tournament first.  
  
Ok, so here it is.  
  
Chapter 5 Poll of the Chapter!  
  
What fic should I write along with this one?  
  
None of them, just concentrate on this then write that other stuff!  
  
Hercule Goes Super Saiyan!   
  
Link Nibun No Ichi!  
  
Tournament Saga!  
  
All your ideas suck, and I think you should stop writing this piece of crap too!  
  
(Let it be forewarned that only those willing to have their head stuck up Rauru's butt should choose the last choice.)  
  
Ok, now just leave your answer to the poll in your review! SAYONARA! 


	6. Link gets some Action

The Temples of Fanfiction  
  
A Legend of Zelda fanfic by Mousse 1/2  
  
Chapter 6: Link gets some action  
  
A-N: Alright, I am STILL trying to decided who is gonna be the Horror Sage. But, anyway, the winner of chapter 5's poll was..... Tournament Saga! And it is already on FF.net, with 2 chapters so far! Oh, and a BIG thank you to SailorZelda for MSTing my fic! Keep it up! Oh, and I do not own Zelda. NOW, LET'S BEGIN CHAPTER 6!  
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Last time, on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link had met 3 new people! First was the DragonMage, a martial artist who seems to have become Link's new rival. Next was a mysterious girl who gave him clues pointing to where the Action Temple was. Finally, Link met Funky Monkey Quack Quack, an adventurer exploring in the Haunted Wasteland. Well, it turned out that FMQQ is the Sage of Action, and now Link must go through the Action Temple to save him!  
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Link and Shika had just entered the main chamber of the Action Temple. It looked very similar to the main room of the Spirit Temple, except there were no staircases on the sides, and instead of the huge Cobra-Lady Statue in the center, there were two doors, one on the right, and one on the left. The one on the right was locked with bars. Between the two doors was a great pile of sand and dirt. Link opened the left door and went to the next room.  
  
As soon as Link entered the room, the door behind him closed and locked, and two Dinalfos jumped down from the ceiling. Link swiftly took care of them, only getting hurt by one fire blast. When the Dinalfos were defeated, a door across from Link opened. Link entered into the next room and found.... nothing. It was a dead end.  
  
Link: A dead end? Now what am I supposed to do?  
Shika: Um, Link, are you forgetting about the Lens of Truth?  
  
Link: Oh, yeah!  
  
Link took out the Lens of Truth and focused on the wall in front of him. Sure enough, the wall was fake, and there was another side to the room, with a door at the end of it. On the other side, a single floating eye, surrounded by mist, stared at Link.  
  
Shika: That's a Ghut! Ghuts are floating eyes that move and attack like Blue Bubbles. If it touches you, It can make you do whatever it wants!  
  
Link: Heh, this shouldn't be a problem. All I have to do is use my shield!  
  
The Ghut flew towards Link, and Link raised his shield. However, the Ghut floated over Link's head and hit him in the back. Suddenly, Link started to dance the Macarena.  
  
Link: Ahhh, what is it doing to me?  
  
Shika: It's forcing you to dance the Macarena, to torture you! Just focus on something else to break the curse!  
  
So, Link focused on defeating Gossuka, until the curse was broken. Then, Link backed up and shot the Ghut with an arrow, killing it.  
  
Link: Well, that's over with!  
  
Shika: Not quite, Link. Look behind you!  
  
Link did look behind him, and found that there were 3 other Ghuts ready to attack.  
  
Link: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!  
  
Each Ghut attacked Link, resulting in him tap-dancing, slapping himself on the head, and singing opera at the same time. This time Link focused on how much he wanted to kill every Ghut he saw. He broke the curse, backed up, and then quickly shot each Ghut with the bow. When they were all dead, both doors unlocked. Link entered into the next room. The room was empty, and the door was not locked. However, Link saw the tell-tale shadow of a Wall Master, and dodged it when it went down. It turned out it was the foot-shaped Wall Master from the Lunacy Temple (A-N: In case you don't remember, it appeared in Chapter 3)   
  
Link: AAAAH! NOT YOU AGAIN!   
  
Link ran to the door and went to the next room. In it, there were 4 Samurai Chimps. When they saw Link, all 4 of them attacked. Every time Link dodged the attack of one Chimp, he was hit by another attack. He manage to do a Jump Attack on one of the Chimps, and it was defeated, but the three remaining Chimps then backed off, and began to charge towards Link, swinging their Scimitars wildly. Link jumped up when the Chimps reached him, causing the monkeys to hit each other. Link then took advantage of the diversion by charging up a Spin Attack, which he used to beat the rest of the Chimps. Finally, when all 4 were defeated, their weapons disappeared, and they spoke.  
  
Chimp 1: You have defeated us in combat, so now we shall give you tips to help you on your journey through this Temple.  
  
Chimp 2: In the next room, there is a lone warrior waiting for a challenge. Defeat him, and he may reveal an ancient legend......  
  
Chimp 3: Gossuka is in this dungeon, and will possess yet another being. This new challenge will be as hard as stone, but when frozen, he can shatter as easily as glass.....  
  
Chimp 4: Your dark side awaits you, and you must face him once again. However, He won't be as easy as last time.....  
  
Chimp 1: I remember hearing of a warrior with two crimson blades that could take out an entire army. It is crucial for one to use not his weapons, but his wits, to defeat it.  
  
Chimp 2: We have each given you a tip now.  
  
Chimp 3: We shall also now heal you. Do not forget to remember our tips. They will help you.  
  
Chimp 4: Now, we bid you farewell!  
  
The Samurai Chimps then disappeared, and another door unlocked. Link went through this door to find a flight of stairs. He climbed the stairs, and at the top was another door. He opened it, and found himself in a room filled with sand. It was like a mini desert, right in the middle of the Action Temple!  
  
Link: What the? Why all the sand?  
  
Mysterious Voice: It is because of the boss of this Temple. It is he who is creating all this sand and dirt. He apparently likes the desert look.  
  
Link looked behind him, and found the person who spoke. It was a buff man, dressed in Arabic clothing, and holding a huge Scimitar, much larger than the ones the Samurai Chimps used.  
  
Link: Who are you?  
  
Man: I am Horosha, a wandering warrior, and sworn enemy of Gossuka. I came here searching for the Action Temple, and I found it, dragged into here by a raging sandstorm. Now I am waiting here for further assistance, as it is too dangerous to journey further into the Temple alone.  
  
Link: Well, then, why don't you join with me? I've already beaten the Lunacy Temple, and my goal is to kill Gossuka too!  
  
Horosha: Hmm, join forces, eh? Well, I don't like to keep company with weaklings, so here's what I'll do. If you can beat me in a one-on-one duel, then I'll join you, okay?  
  
Link: Sure!  
  
Horosha: Very well! Ready! Set!! FIGHT!!!  
  
Horosha then rushed towards Link and slashed him in the shoulder. Link flinched, and Horosha tried to trip him by sweeping his sword under him. However, Link jumped over the blade and countered with a Jump Attack to Horosha. Horosha began to attack again, but Link blocked the attack with his shield, and countered with a quick slash to the chest. Horosha fell, and Link put the blade of his sword to Horosha's throat.  
Link: There. I win. Now let's get going!  
  
Link began to run towards the next door, but was stopped by Horosha.  
  
Horosha: WAIT!!! You don't know what kind of monster lurks in this place!  
  
Link: What do you mean?  
  
Horosha: The Action Temple is said to be the home of the Legendary Beast, Ognib.   
  
Link: What? What's an Ognib?  
  
Horosha: Ognib is a huge beast that looks like a huge dog. It is said that he holds the strength of 100 Wolfos, and his teeth are so sharp it could cut the hide of King Dodongo. He is untamed, and will kill any living thing it sees for food. Gossuka has used it as a monster to use against Hyrule, and has placed it somewhere in the Action Temple.  
  
Link: Well, this Ognib sure sounds like a challenge. But if we have to fight him in order to defeat Gossuka, then so be it!  
  
Horosha: Hmm, you certainly have much bravery. Very well, If you can handle the idea of facing Ognib, then so can I! Let's go, Link.  
  
However, before Link or Horosha could leave, a dark cloud of smoke filled the room, then took form into Gossuka. Gossuka was now standing right in front of the door, and he had an evil grin on his face.  
  
Gossuka: Well, well, if it isn't the wandering idiot, Horosha, and the elf with the sword, Link.   
  
Horosha: GOSSUKA!!!!! I'LL GET YOU!  
  
Link: Horosha, wait! Don't attack him! He's too powerful!  
  
Horosha stopped, and Gossuka began to laugh a wicked laugh.  
  
Gossuka: MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Well, Link, it appears you have learned from our little meeting in the Lunacy Temple. However, this Temple will be much more difficult! I am here to possess another strong warrior, so go into the next room if you dare!  
  
Link: What, will this new warrior be as easy as Ferdinand was?  
  
Horosha: Huh? Who's Ferdinand?  
  
Gossuka: ARRRGH! OF COURSE IT WON'T BE EASIER, YOU DOLT!!!! But, anyway, why should I be angry? You foolish mortals! You will die shortly. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Gossuka then turned into smoke, and went into the next room.  
  
Horosha: Link, what did he mean by "possessing"?  
  
Link: Oh, he has the power to possess good guys to make them evil. He did it in the Lunacy Temple to a swan named Ferdinand, and made him into a Mini-boss.  
  
Shika: Don't worry, Link! The Mini-boss is close, but it's not whatever is in the next room! This fight should be easier than Ferdinand!  
  
Link: Alright, then, let's go, Horosha!  
  
Horosha: Right!  
  
Horosha and Link went into the next room, where they found a Goron. He was larger than most Gorons were, and had an evil look in his eyes. Obviously this was the warrior that Gossuka possessed!  
  
Horosha: A Goron! Link, let me take care of this!  
  
Horosha ran up to the Goron and slashed at him with his sword, but it didn't even scratch the Goron's hide. The Goron then unleashed a massive punch, knocking out Horosha.  
  
Link: Crap, Horosha's already down!  
  
Shika: Link, remember what one of the Samurai Chimps said? "This new challenge will be as hard as stone, but when frozen, he can shatter as easily as glass....." You need to freeze him, Link!  
  
While Link and Shika were talking, the Goron was preparing another punch for Link. Link barely dodged the attack, and then shot the Goron with one of his Ice Arrows. The Goron froze in place, and his rocky skin became very brittle. Therefore, Link took out the Megaton Hammer, and did a Jump Attack with it on the Goron. The ice shattered, and the Goron was knocked out. Smoke came out of it's head, and flew out of the Temple.  
  
Link: Well, Gossuka's gone now. Hey, Horosha, wake up!  
  
Horosha: Ugh.......What happened?  
  
Shika: You got knocked out by that Goron, but Link defeated it!  
  
Horosha: Hmm, okay. Link, let's go to the next room!  
  
Link, Horosha, and Shika went to the next room. This room had a lot of mirrors in it, and some dark curtains blocking a window on the side of the room. There was a treasure chest in the middle of the room.  
  
Link: Alright, the treasure of the Temple!  
  
Horosha: Wait Link! I sense something evil.....  
  
Link: Ah, don't worry about it, Horosha. The treasure chest is right in front of us!  
  
Link ran up to the treasure chest, but a dark shadow surrounded it, and made the chest disappear. The shadow then took form, revealing who it was. It was Dark Link.  
  
Link: YOU!!! I thought I defeated you in the Water Temple!  
  
Dark Link: Heh, indeed you did, but the great Lord Gossuka brought me back to stop you. And you don't have enough MP to use Din's Fire anymore!  
Link: Yeah, but I can still use the Megaton Hammer! You're dead, you stupid shadow!  
  
Link tried to take out the Megaton Hammer, but found it was missing.  
  
Link: What? Where did it go?  
  
Dark Link: ::tossing the Megaton Hammer up into the air and catching it:: What, looking for this? Heh, I guess I'm too quick for you, my good, weak counterpart. As you can see, I won't be as easy this time!  
  
Horosha: That's one thing you're wrong about! Link's got me as an ally this time!  
  
Horosha rushed up to Dark Link and swung his sword, but it went right through Dark Link.  
  
Dark Link: FOOL! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! ONLY THE REAL PERSON CAN HIT HIS DARK VERSION! ONLY LINK CAN TOUCH ME! I AM INCORPOREAL TO EVERYONE ELSE!  
  
Horosha: Dang. Alright, Link, he's all yours!  
  
Link: Ok! Prepare to die, Dark Link!  
  
Link went into a jump attack on Dark Link, but it was blocked by Dark Link's shield. Dark Link tried a counter attack, but it was blocked by Link. This continued for 10 to 15 minutes, while Link kept trying to think of an idea to beat his foe.  
  
Link: (thinking): Hmm, how can I beat him. Dark Link, Dark Link, hmmm, wait a minute, I've got it! (spoken) Horosha, get rid of that curtain.  
  
Horosha: Hmm, why, you don't like the color?  
  
Link: NO, JUST CUT IT UP! I HAVE AN IDEA!  
  
Horosha: Ok, I guess.  
Horosha went to the curtain and sliced it to pieces with his Scimitar. Light shone from the window. Link used the Mirror Shield to bounce the light onto Dark Link. But, alas, nothing happened. Dark Link took the advantage and slashed Link with his sword.  
  
Dark Link: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! YOU THINK A WEAK LIGHT LIKE THAT CAN HARM MY DARKNESS! YOU'LL NEED A LIGHT MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN THAT TO DEFEAT ME!  
  
Link: Crap! There's gotta be something I can do. Wait a minute, the mirrors! Shika, go examine the mirrors!  
  
While Link continued his tiring fight with Dark Link, Shika looked at the mirrors and found an inscription on every one. The inscription was "Light may not have power when it first enters the room. But after it hits us mirrors, dark will face it's doom." Shika relayed this information to Link.  
  
Link: Hmm, that's it! I know how to beat him now!  
  
Link used the Mirror Shield on the light yet again, but this time he reflected it onto a mirror. This mirror reflected the light onto another mirror, and so on. Finally, when the light had bounced off all of the mirrors, it had become a laser, and flew right into Dark Link. Dark Link gave a scream of agony, and dissolved into a pile of black goop on the floor. The treasure chest reappeared, as well as the Megaton Hammer and a bunch of MP potions. and a part of the room broke down to form stairs leading down to the first floor.  
  
Link: Alright, now I get my treasure.  
  
Horosha: Yeah, but aren't you supposed to fight a mini-boss before getting the treasure. There was no Boss Music or white letters, so Dark Link wasn't a mini boss.  
  
Link: Don't worry about it, Horosha! Now let's get that treasure!  
  
Link ran up to the treasure chest, but it floated up into the air, and went down the stairs.   
  
Link: Follow that Treasure Chest!  
Link got his Megaton Hammer back, stocked up on MP, and then he, Horosha, and Shika went down to the first floor, where the treasure chest landed on the floor and disappeared.  
  
Link: What? WHAT HAPPENED TO MY TREASURE?  
  
Horosha: I told you, we are supposed to fight a mini boss first, and then get the treasure.  
  
Link: Yeah, but where is that Mini-Boss?  
  
Shika: Maybe you should go and look for it!  
  
Horosha: Yeah, I mean, Mini-Bosses don't just jump from the ceiling when you talk about them.  
  
Suddenly, a HUGE man, jumped down from the ceiling, and took out two large crimson Swords. Boss Music started to play, and white letters appeared under the man.  
  
ACTION TEMPLE MINI BOSS 1  
  
YUELAR  
  
GIGANTIC BLOODTHIRSTY WARRIOR  
  
Shika: Link, that must be the guy that Samurai Chimp was talking about! The "warrior with two crimson blades that could take out an entire army"! This might be pretty tough, Link!  
  
Horosha: Heh, no problem, we can beat this guy together.  
  
Link: Right! Let's go, Horosha!  
  
Link and Horosha both rushed towards Yuelar, but Horosha was stopped by one of Yuelar's swords.  
  
Yuelar: IT IS DISHONORABLE TO DO A 2-ON-1 FIGHT. I ONLY FIGHT ONE OPPONENT AT A TIME. YOU, THE SWORDSMAN IN GREEN, YOU WILL BE MY FIRST CHALLENGE.  
Horosha: Who cares if it's dishonorable? Prepare to die, Yuelar!  
  
Horosha rushed towards Yuelar, but was kicked to the other side of the room, knocked unconscious.  
  
Yuelar: THAT TAKES CARE OF THAT NUISANCE. NOW, I WILL DESTROY YOU!  
  
And so, the battle between Link and Yuelar began. Link hit Yuelar with the Master Sword, but it wouldn't cut his skin.  
  
Yuelar: HAH, YOU THINK A PITIFUL WEAPON LIKE THAT CAN DEFEAT ME? THOSE WHO RELY ON WEAPONS HASTILY MEET THEIR DOOM AT THE HANDS OF THE ALMIGHTY YUELAR!!!!  
  
Link: We'll see about that! There's got to be at least one weapon I have that can defeat you!  
  
Link shot all kinds of arrows at Yuelar, but he slashed them away with one of his swords. He tried the Megaton Hammer, but when using it he moved too slow, and therefore he was hit by a strong blow from Yuelar. He tried bombs, but Yuelar stepped on them, and the explosion hardly hurt his foot at all. Soon, Link had tried every single weapon in his arsenal, along with Din's Fire, and none of them had worked.   
  
Yuelar: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I TOLD YOU, NONE OF YOUR LITTLE TRICKS WILL WORK! IT'S HOPELESS TO THINK YOU CAN DEFEAT MY MIGHT! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  
  
Shika: Link, it's no use! I don't think you'll be able to win this one.  
  
Link: I can't believe it! I've never lost before! My weapons have always helped me! (thinking): always helped you..... yes, they always helped you win. You would have never won a single fight without your weapons. You're nothing without them, and Yuelar has proven that. No! I won't believe it! I can win without weapons! I'll prove it!  
  
While these thoughts were going through Link's mind, Yuelar had began a charge. Just when Yuelar was about to slash Link, Link cast Nayru's Love, and was not harmed by the blow. Then, Link took his sword out of his sheath, and threw it to the ground. He then did the same thing to his Bow, his Megaton Hammer, and so on, until all of Link's items were scattered on the ground.  
  
Shika: Link! What are you doing?  
  
Link: I need to prove I'm not just good with weapons! TAKE THIS, YUELAR!!!!!!!!  
  
Link rushed at Yuelar and swung a strong punch. Yuelar, surprised at this, quickly dodged. However. Link was expecting this, and delivered a quick elbow jab to Yuelar's chin. Yuelar was knocked out.  
  
Shika: Link! Now's your chance! The only true way to destroy Yuelar is with the Light Arrows!  
  
Link ran to his bow and quiver and shot Yuelar with a Light Arrow. Yuelar dissolved, and the treasure chest reappeared. Horosha then woke up.  
  
Horosha: Ugh, I'll get you for that, Yuelar! Huh, where is he?  
  
Link: I killed him. Alright, now I've beaten the Mini-Boss, so now we can get that treasure!  
  
Link got all of his items back, Link's Nayru's Love wore off, and the Treasure Chest floated out of a door to another room.  
  
Link: WHAT???? I BEAT THE MINI-BOSS! HOW COME I CAN'T GET THE TREASURE?  
  
Horosha: It appears that there is at least one more challenge left for us before we get what we are searching for.  
  
Shika: Well, then, let's go to the next room!  
  
When they entered the room, they found it was a huge maze. Added to that was the fact that sand was slowly pouring into the room, and if they did not get out in time they would die.  
  
Horosha: Heh, I know this maze! Just follow me, and we'll get out of here easily.  
  
Horosha led Link and Shika through the maze. There were some Dinalfos and Stalfos along the way, but Horosha and Link defeated them easily. They got out of the maze long before the time was up. When they opened the door at the end of the maze, they found themselves back in the main chamber. They had just gotten in through the door that was locked. The treasure chest was in the center of the room. Link ran to it and opened it before it could float away again. What he found were golden-brown nuts that looked a bit like Deku Nuts. Then, the You've Got a New Item Voice came.  
  
YGNIV: YOU GOT THE EARTHQUAKE NUTS! YOU CAN EITHER THROW THESE LIKE DEKU NUTS OR SHOOT THEM FROM THE SLINGSHOT! WHEN THEY HIT EARTH OR SAND, THEY CAUSE AN EARTHQUAKE! YOU CAN ALSO USE THESE TO EASILY DEFEAT ENEMIES THAT ARE MADE OF SAND!  
  
Horosha: Cool. You could use that to destroy that big pile of sand between the two doors.  
  
Link: Alright! This will be easy!  
  
Horosha: Not quite. Ognib is still in the Temple, and I am sure you will have to fight him in order to rescue the Sage of Action.  
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Well, Link has met a new ally, the wandering swordsman Horosha! But will Horosha and Link's new items, the Earthquake Nuts, be enough to defeat the Legendary Beast Ognib? Find out in Chapter 7: The Battle with the Beast!  
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Oh, guess what? I've decided to do a poll every chapter! Some of these will be mini quizzes to see if you can guess stuff correctly, while some will just be opinion polls! Anyway, here is this chapter's poll!  
Chapter 6's Poll of the Chapter!  
  
Why do you think I named the wandering warrior Link befriends in the Action Temple Horosha?  
  
Because I thought the name sounded cool  
  
Because I heard it from TV  
  
Because "horosha" is Japanese for "wanderer"  
  
Because it was the first name to pop in my head.  
  
Because there was once a great warrior named Horosha, who was an ancestor of my family.   
  
Leave what you think is the correct answer in your review!!! SEEYA! 


	7. The Battle with the Beast

The Temples of Fanfiction  
  
A Legend of Zelda fanfic by Mousse 1/2  
  
Chapter 7: The Battle With the Beast  
  
Author Note: Hey, it's Mousse 1/2, And I am once again sorry to keep you waiting so long for this chapter to come out. This time it was because I got in a little trouble with my folks and was grounded. But it's still a time to celebrate! Why, you ask? Well, because I now have OVER 50 REVIEWS!!!!! And it only took 6 chapters to get it! (Ok, so maybe that part isn't much to brag about, but since this story is going to be 30 chapters long when it's completed, I should have around 250 reviews when this thing is completed!) Now, let's see the two people who need to be mentioned: First, the very first person to review this, way back when the first chapter had just gotten up, is Galaxy Girl! And now the person who wrote the 50th actual review (I am not counting the 4 flames as reviews) is Anime Freak! And now, the answer to the poll was C: because "horosha" Japanese for "wanderer"! Only 3 people got it correct, though. But, anyway, the poll today is an opinion poll! Oh, and while someone is currently MSTing this fic (hinthintSailorZeldahinthint), I would like someone to MST my Zelda Tournament fic. So, if anyone would like to MST it, you have my permission! Now, LET'S BEGIN CHAPTER 7!!!!!!!!  
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Last time on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link and Shika went into the Action Temple, where they met the wandering warrior, Horosha! Horosha joined Link, and told him of a horrible beast inside the Temple by the name of Ognib. Last time we left them, Link and Horosha had just beaten the Mini-Boss Yuelar and gotten the Earthquake Nuts.....  
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Link, Horosha, and Shika were in the main chamber, and Link now held 30 Earthquake Nuts in his Seed Satchel.  
  
Horosha: Hmm, Link, maybe you can use those Earthquake nuts on that big pile of sand in between those two doors......  
  
Link: Good idea!  
  
Link took out an Earthquake Nut, and threw it at the pile of sand. As soon as the nut hit, there was a loud rumbling noise, and the pile of sand collapsed, covering the whole room, revealing what was behind the sand pile: a door. Link and Horosha went to the next room, which was another mini-desert, just like the room Link first met Horosha in. The only difference was a palm tree in the middle of the room, and four people, two men and two women, dressed in Arab clothing, surrounding the palm tree, all staring at Link.  
  
Link: Who are you people?  
  
Man 1: We are the Sunakazes, loyal servants of the mighty Sunanezumi.  
  
Link: Sunanezumi? Who's he?  
  
Sunakaze 2: Sunanezumi is a great evil being, with the power to totally control the sand and desert. He was put in charge of this Temple by the great and powerful Lord Gossuka.  
  
Link: Hmm, so this Sunanezumi is the Boss of this Temple, huh?   
  
Sunakaze 3: Yes, he is.   
  
Horosha: That can't be right! The Legendary Beast Ognib is in this Temple! Surely he must be the Boss of this Temple!!!  
  
Sunakaze 4: You think that Gossuka would put a stupid oversized dog monster in charge of something as important as the Action Temple? Don't be ridiculous! Ognib is merely a Mini-Boss working for Sunanezumi. In fact, he's in the next room!  
  
Sunakaze 1: However, you will not survive long enough to meet Ognib, as we 4 Sunakazes will kill you! You must fight me first! I am Kaze the Sunakaze!  
  
Shika: Watch out, Link! Sunakazes are normal people when they aren't in the desert, but when they are, they hold great powers! Each of these 4 holds a different power, and you're going to have to try extra hard to beat each one!  
  
Kaze: What do you mean by that, fairy? Only one of us will fight Link! Each of us will have a different opponent!  
  
Horosha: Then what about the fourth one?  
  
Kaze: She is a back-up, in case some of us lose. She will be the last to fight. Now, MYSTIC CAGES!!!!!!  
  
Suddenly, two magical cages dropped down from the ceiling, trapping Link and Horosha. Kaze then pointed towards Shika.  
  
Kaze: You, the fairy! You will be my opponent! Prepare to die!  
  
Link: You've gotta be kidding! There's no way Shika can fight you!  
  
Horosha: That is right. I don't think fairies have any fighting skills whatsoever. Shika doesn't stand a chance!  
  
Shika: Oh yeah? Well, just watch then!  
  
Shika started to charge up energy, and she glowed a bright red.  
  
Shika: SUPER FAIRY CHARGE!!!!!  
  
Kaze: HOWLING WINDS!!!!!!!!  
  
Shika charged towards Kaze. but Kaze created a strong wind that blew Shika away. Kaze then controlled the wind into blowing Shika into the tree.  
  
Kaze: Heh, that was easy!  
  
Shika: (slowly getting back up into the air) I haven't given up yet! I still have one more trick up my sleeves......  
  
Kaze: Hah, there is nothing a pathetic fairy like you can do to stop me! HOWLING WINDS!!!!  
  
A strong wind once again blew Shika against the palm tree.  
  
Shika: I didn't want to do this.... but it looks I'm going to need to do it....  
  
Link and Horosha: NO, SHIKA!!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!!!  
  
Shika: I HAVE NO CHOICE!!! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! HEY! LOOK! LISTEN! WATCH OUT! HEY HEY LOOK LOOK LISTEN LISTEN!!!!  
  
Link: NOOOOO!  
  
Horosha: AAAHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Kaze: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! NOOOOOOOOOO! TOO....MUCH....PAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! @!#$%^@$#%$$#%$!!!!! OK! I GIVE UP!!!!!  
  
Kaze then disappeared into a light blue smoke. The cage around Horosha disappeared, and a new cage dropped down on Shika, the bars small enough so that she couldn't escape. Sunakaze 2 stepped forward and pointed towards Horosha.  
  
Sunakaze: Pah! Kaze was weak! I won't be as simple to beat! I am Hi! And you will taste the agony of defeat at the hands of my fiery power!  
  
Horosha: Heh, you don't look so tough!  
  
Hi: Oh, really? Well, you won't be thinking the same way once I'm through with you! STRAIGHT BURN!!!!!!  
  
A large flame appeared at Hi's feet and spread down to Horosha, burning him.  
  
Horosha: OW! OW! OW! HOT! HOT! HOT!  
  
While Horosha was busy tending to his flaming feet, Hi disappeared. In a split second he reappeared behind Horosha, and knocked him to the ground with a downward Elbow Slam. Horosha fell, but then got back up, swinging his sword at Hi on the way up. However, Hi disappeared again, and reappeared at the palm tree.  
  
Horosha: How in the hell can you do that?  
  
Hi: Heh, when the Sunakazes are in the desert, they can move as quickly and slyly as light! Now, wandering warrior, you shall meet your doom!  
  
Hi teleported again, this time to Horosha, and started a punch combo on Horosha's stomach. Fortunately, the punches did not do much damage, and Horosha managed to slash Hi with his Scimitar before he could teleport away. Hi then teleported back to the palm tree.  
  
Hi: Ugh, that hurt! STRAIGHT BURN!!!!!  
  
The flame appeared, once again aiming for Horosha. However, Horosha jumped over the flames over to Hi, and did a Downward Slash on Hi. Hi let out a large scream, and disappeared into a red smoke, and Link's cage disappeared, while Horosha was trapped yet again. There were now only the two female Sunakazes left, and one of them stepped forward and pointed towards Link.  
  
Link: Alright, who are you, and what's your power?  
  
Sunakaze 3: I am Kori, and I hold powers of Ice. Now, brave Hylian swordsman, we do battle! Watch this!  
  
Kori held her right hand up high, and it glowed a dark blue. A little block of ice formed into her hand.  
  
Link: A little ice block? That's what you're fighting with? Heh, you're not going to be challenging at all! Take this!  
  
Link rushed up to Kori and swung his sword, but Kori teleported away from him, and the ice block grew a bit larger, the edges growing sharper, until it finally took form into a large Javelin made of Ice.  
  
Kori: Fool! That was only the beginning of my spell! ICE DAGGER!!!!!!  
  
Kori then threw the Ice Javelin towards Link. The attack hit, and froze Link, not to mention the tremendous amount of damage it bestowed. Kori then ran up to the frozen swordsman and did a series of combos on him, each attack dealing damage and cracking the ice a bit. Finally, when the ice cracked, Kori teleported back to the palm tree, and started to charge up another Ice Dagger.  
  
Kori: Hehehehhehe! You're doomed! Prepare to die, Link!  
  
Link: Oh, yeah? Well, we'll just see about that!  
  
Kori continued to power up the Ice Dagger, while Link started to make small hand movements.  
  
Kori: ICE DAGGER!!!!!  
  
Link: DIN'S FIRE!!!!!  
  
Just when the Ice Dagger was about to hit Link, the fiery shield of the Din's Fire appeared and melted it. Link, preparing for the next attack, secretly took out his Bow and a Fire Arrow so that Kori couldn't see it. Kori began to charge up another Ice Dagger, but right before she threw it. Link shot the Dagger with a Fire Arrow. The Dagger melted into boiling water, and splashed onto Kori.  
  
Kori: OW! OW! OW! HOT! HOT! HOT!  
  
While Kori was stalled by the water, Link went up to Kori and casted another Din's Fire. Kori screamed in agony, and disappeared into a dark blue smoke. The cages surrounding Horosha and Shika disappeared.  
  
Shika: Alright, you did it, Link!  
  
Horosha: Heh, we beat them all!  
  
Link: Not quite. There's still the back-up Sunakaze.  
  
Sunakaze 4: Heh, I'm not going to risk my life in a fight against you 3! I'll let Ognib take care of you! Enter into the next chamber if you dare!!!  
  
Sunakaze 4 ran into the next room, and Link, Shika, and Horosha followed. The next room was just like the last room except for instead of a palm tree in the center there was a very large rock, and chained to it was gigantic Canine beast who was growling angrily.  
  
Sunakaze 4: Heh, this is the Legendary Beast Ognib! I'll just leave, and he'll tear you to pieces! OGNIB! KILL THESE INTRUDERS IN THE NAMES OF LORD GOSSUKA AND LORD SUNANEZUMI!!!!!!!  
  
Sunakaze 4 grabbed the chains and broke them with her bare hands, then ran into the next room. Ognib started to walk towards Link, the Boss Music began, and the familiar white letters appeared under Ognib.  
  
  
ACTION TEMPLE MINI-BOSS 2  
  
OGNIB  
  
VICIOUS CANINE LEGENDARY BEAST  
  
Ognib immediately charged towards Horosha, who jumped up and countered by slashing Ognib's nose with his Scimitar on the way down. Horosha then began darting around and slashing Ognib's legs. Ognib, in a ferocious rage, bit at Horosha, tearing a bit out of Horosha's left leg.  
  
Horosha: OWWWWW!!!!!!!! Hey, Link! Are you gonna help me, or am I going to have to fight this Legendary Beast by myself?  
  
Link: Don't worry, Horosha! I'll just shoot him with one of my Earthquake Nuts!  
  
Shika: But Link.....  
  
Link: Be quiet Shika, so I can aim right!  
  
Shika: But it probably won't work because....  
  
Link: Of course the Nuts will work! Ognib is a Mini-Boss, right?  
  
Shika: Right, but...  
  
Link: And the Temple item is always used to beat the 2nd Mini-Boss and the Boss! Therefore, I need to use the Earthquake Nuts to defeat Ognib!  
  
Shika: Ok, do whatever you want, Link, but you better do it fast! Horosha is getting killed out there!  
  
This was true. While Link and Shika were debating the use of the Earthquake Nuts against Ognib, Horosha was attacking Ognib's legs, and was getting his own legs bitten by Ognib. Link took out his slingshot and Seed Satchel, and shot an Earthquake Nut at Ognib. It hit, but had no effect. Ognib paused for a brief moment, and then continued attacking Horosha.  
  
Link: What the? Why didn't it work?  
  
Shika: Hmmm, maybe because OGNIB ISN'T MADE OF EARTH OR SAND!!!!! THAT'S WHAT I WAS TRYING TO TELL YOU!!!!!!!!!!!! EARTHQUAKE NUTS HAVE NO EFFECT ON SKIN AND FLESH!!!!  
  
Link: Oh, well then I guess I'll just have to use old-fashioned arrows!  
  
Link took out his Fairy Bow, and shot a few arrows at Ognib. Ognib howled in pain which gave Horosha a chance to jump up and do a few Horizontal Slashes on Ognib's tail on the way down. Ognib quickly turned his attention over to Link, and began a charge. However, before Ognib could reach him, Link shot a Fire Arrow at Ognib's face. Ognib howled in pain as his fur caught on fire, but shook his head with such a vigor that the flames died out. However, while Ognib was doing this, Horosha did a fast rush towards Link, putting a good-sized slash in Ognib's legs. and then turned and ran back, slashing Ognib's other legs.  
  
Ognib: ROOOOAR!  
  
Link: Heh, you're not so tough! You're just a big, dumb, oversized dog! Come on and try to bite me, you stupid little OWWWWW!  
  
That exclamation was because of a nice-sized slash created in Link's chest by one of Ognib's claws. Ognib then tried to bite Link again, but missed when Link dodged.  
  
Link: That's it! It's time to finish this!  
  
Link charged up an Ice Arrow, and shot it at Ognib. Ognib froze in place, giving Horosha an attack opportunity. Horosha jumped high in the air, where he initiated a long series of midair Scimitar slashed on Ognib's body. Finally, for the final blow, Horosha jumped directly over Ognib's side, and did a devastating Downward Slash, which cracked the ice and knocked out Ognib. A treasure chest appeared near the rock, and Link opened it to discover the Boss Key.  
  
Link: Yes! We did it!  
  
Horosha: I can't believe it! We actually defeated the Legendary Beast Ognib!  
  
Shika: Uh, guys, in case you haven't noticed, Ognib isn't dead, and the door is still locked.  
  
Link: What?  
  
Suddenly, Ognib woke up, and started to walk towards Horosha.  
  
Link: You've gotta be kidding! We already got the treasure for defeating this guy!  
  
Horosha: Well, looks like we're going to have to try harder! Get ready, Link!  
  
Horosha took out his Scimitar, but instead of trying to bite Horosha, Ognib licked his face, and sat down in front of him.  
  
Horosha: What in the hell?  
  
Link: Uh, Shika, can you explain why Ognib isn't trying to kill us like he was a few minutes ago?  
  
Shika: It's the Legendary Myth of Ognib! The legend says, while Ognib is almost impossible to defeat, if he is defeated in combat he will serve whoever defeated him, and will also obey orders from any friend of that person unless he says otherwise. Apparently the first person to defeat him was Gossuka, and since Horosha dealt the finishing blow in that fight, he is now Ognib's new master!  
  
Horosha: Really? You mean the Legendary Beast Ognib is now my servant  
  
Dark Booming Evil Voice(Not the one from the Lunacy Temple): THAT'S RIGHT! BUT EVEN WITH THAT MUTT'S HELP, YOU'LL NEVER STOP ME!  
  
Link: What? Who said that?  
  
Suddenly, the sand rumbled violently, and out popped a huge mass of sand, with arms, eyes, and a mouth. The giant sand mass looked down and glared at Ognib.  
  
Horosha: Who are you?  
  
Giant Mass of Sand: I AM THE MIGHTY SUNANEZUMI!!!! I AM THE BOSS OF THIS TEMPLE! YOU, OGNIB! BAD DOG!! HOW DARE YOU LOSE TO WEAKLINGS LIKE THESE! I SHOULD CRUSH YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!!! BUT I HAVE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO DO, SO I'LL LET MY SUNAKAZE MINIONS TAKE CARE OF YOU!!! SO GO ON, TRAITOR, AND JOIN THESE WEAKLINGS, BUT DON'T BLAME ME WHEN GOSSUKA DESTROYS YOU!  
  
Horosha: Heh, it's Gossuka who's gonna pay! With Ognib on our side, you're deadmeat!  
  
Sunanezumi: HEH, DON'T BE SO COCKY, LITTLE SWORDSMAN! I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU, LINK, SO COME IF YOU DARE, BECAUSE I CAN'T WAIT TO REPORT TO LORD GOSSUKA THAT I SINGLE-SANDEDLY (A-N: pun intended) DEFEATED LINK!  
  
Sunanezumi then sank into the sand, and the door to the next room opened.  
  
Horosha: Alright, Link, we're getting closer to rescuing the Sage of Action! Let's go, Ognib!  
  
And so, Ognib, Horosha, Shika, and Link all went into the next room. It was another desert room, but there was no other door except for the one they came through. On the other side of the room was Sunakaze 4.  
  
Sunakaze 4: Well, so you managed to defeat Ognib. Pretty good for a regular swordsman. I am Tsuyomi, the most powerful Sunakaze in the Action Temple! And Ognib will be my challenger! Prepare to pay for your betrayal, you stupid oversized dog!  
  
A giant cage fell down from the ceiling and trapped Link, Horosha, and Shika. Ognib, seeing that Tsuyomi was responsible for capturing Horosha, growled at her, and then rushed in for a bite at her, Tsuyomi teleported behind Ognib, and went into a defensive stance.  
  
Tsuyomi: Heh, do you really think that you can defeat me by just biting? BRUTE RAGE!!!!!!  
  
Tsuyomi's muscles began to bulge, and then she grew, becoming larger and larger until she was just as large as Ognib.  
  
Tsuyomi: HEH, AS YOU CAN SEE, MY POWER IS TO GROW IN BOTH SIZE AND POWER! AND NOW I'M JUST AS POWERFUL AS YOU! PREPARE TO DIE, OGNIB!  
  
Tsuyomi went into a grapple with Ognib, but Ognib just bit a huge chunk of skin from Tsuyomi's stomach. Then Ognib began to devour Tsuyomi, until the entire Sunakaze was eaten by Ognib, and the cages disappeared.  
  
Link: ::sweatdrop::  
  
Horosha: Whoah, cool, if you could do that to Tsuyomi, then maybe you could even defeat Gossuka.  
  
Shika: I don't think that's likely, Horosha.  
  
Horosha: Why?  
  
Shika: Because Gossuka could just use his magical powers to defeat Ognib. Link couldn't even touch him. Anyway, Ognib's been defeated once before by Gossuka, remember? That's how he became the Mini-Boss of this Temple.  
  
Horosha: Oh yeah. Well, anyway, where do we go now?  
  
While Horosha and Shika were talking, Ognib was sniffing around the dead end wall. Ognib then backed up, and rammed into the wall and destroyed it, exposing another dead end wall.  
  
Link: I get it! We have to get through all of those walls to get to the Boss Chamber!  
  
Horosha: Alright, then let's get on Ognib! Ognib, charge straight forward, destroying all the walls!  
  
And so Link and Horosha got on Ognib, and Ognib charged forward at full speed, destroying walls until Link could see the Boss Door coming up. When they got closer to the door, Link threw the Boss Key into the keyhole, and the door opened, and Ognib ran into the Boss Room, where Link and Horosha got off. They were once again in a desert chamber similar to all of the other rooms. Sunanezumi popped up in the center of the desert, the Boss Music began, and the familiar white letters appeared.  
  
ACTION TEMPLE BOSS  
  
SUNANEZUMI   
  
BIG FAT PILE OF SAND  
  
Sunanezumi: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! YOU WILL NEVER DEFEAT THE POWER OF SAND!  
  
Sunanezumi swung a large sandy arm at Link, who shot an Earthquake nut at it. The arm fell off.  
  
Link: My god, not another Temple where the Boss is the easiest enemy! Well, might as well get this over with and rescue FMQQ.  
  
Link backed up and shot a bunch of Earthquake nuts at Sunanezumi, who dissolved into the desert, leaving in his place a small little mouse, who waved his fist in anger.  
  
Sunanezumi: (the mouse) How dare you destroy my sand coat! You haven't seen the last of me!  
  
The mouse then ran into a crack in one of the walls, and the red teleportation portal appeared.   
  
Link: Alright, Horosha, you take Ognib out of the Temple. I'll go to the Chamber of Fanfiction Sages and get the Action Medallion. I'll meet you just outside the Temple, ok?  
  
Horosha: Got it. Let's go Ognib!  
  
Horosha and Ognib left the room, and Link stepped into the portal. He was teleported to the new Chamber of Sages. On the circle that had the image of a fist appeared FMQQ.  
  
FMQQ: Hi, Link! Thanks for going through all those fights to rescue me! It's kind of a coincidence, isn't it, how I was searching for the Action Temple to awaken the sage and defeat Gossuka, when it turns out that I am the Sage of Action! But, anyway, take this medallion!  
  
The whole Link gets a new medallion thingy happened, and Link received the Action Medallion.  
  
Link: Alright, that's 2 down, 5 to go!!!!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And so after months of waiting, you finally got to see Link and Horosha get through the Action Temple! I promise that the next chapter of my tournament fic will be up very soon, and you won't have long to wait for Chapter 8. Speaking of Chapter 8, it's gonna be a good, where Link will once again have to face against the DragonMage, and he is not going to be as easy as he was the first time Link fought him! Plus, the introduction of the Humor Temple!!!! All that and more will be in Chapter 8: Funny things going on in Termina. And now, it's time for da poll!  
  
CHAPTER 7 POLL OF THE CHAPTER  
  
Which of the Sunakazes was your favorite?  
  
1. Kaze (Wind power, fought against Shika)  
  
2. Hi (Fire power, fought against Horosha)  
  
3. Kori (Ice power, fought against Link)  
  
4. Tsuyomi (Strength power, fought against Ognib)  
  
Alright it's now really late at night, and I'm just looking at the FF.Net screen, ready to upload this chapter, and Oh! there's some new news going on at FF. net! Let's have a looksie..... OH MY GOD! THEY'RE TAKING AWAY THE MSTS!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I WONT LET THEM! PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS SOME KIND OF JOKE! WE NEED TO STOP THIS EVIL FROM HAPPENING! IS THERE A PETITION TO STOP THIS? IF THERE IS, YOU CAN PUT MOUSSE1/2 ON THE LIST CUZ I NEED MY MSTS!!!!! 


	8. Funny Things going on in Termna

The Temples of Fanfiction  
  
A Legend of Zelda Fanfic by Mousse 1/2  
  
Chapter 8: Funny Things going on in Termina  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Author Note: YES! FINALLY! I'M BACK!!! AND SO IS THE TEMPLES OF FANFICTION! Sorry, folks, but once again, I got in a bit of trouble with the parents and lost internet privileges. Also, I got really busy, what with school coming back and all. But now I'm back, and I will guarantee tons of new chapters of TToF and Tournament Saga over the school year! Now, anyway, as for the poll, it looks like one chose Kori, one chose Kaze, and one chose Hi. I guess noone liked Tsuyomi, then. But, anyway, enough chit-chat! FINALLY, AFTER ALMOST A YEAR, HERE'S CHAPTER 8!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Last time, on The Temples of Fanfiction, Link, Horosha, and Shika each went one-on-one with one of the Sunakazes, a group of fighters who gain superpowers when in the desert. After defeating Kaze, Hi, and Kori, Link and Horosha fought the Legendary Beast, Ognib. After a lot of leg bites and Scimitar swipes, Link managed to freeze the canine with an Ice Arrow, and Horosha swiftly defeated Ognib, who is now Horosha's loyal servant. But Ognib was not the last of our heroes' troubles in the Action Temple. Link later had to go up against the Temple Boss, a huge sand monster by the name of Sunanezumi, who in reality turned out to be a little mouse with sand powers. After easily dispatching the Action Temple Boss with his Earthquake nuts, Link rescued Funky Monkey Quack Quack, the Sage of Action, and received the Action Medallion....  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Horosha and Ognib were waiting outside of the Action Temple, waiting for Link and Shika to come back from getting the Action Medallion. A few minutes later, a blue light shone down from the sky, and Link and Shika floated down it to the ground.  
  
Horosha: Hey, Link, how did it go?  
Link: (shows Horosha the Action Medallion) It went great! Heh, I've only just started and I've already rescued the Sage of Lunacy AND the Sage of Action! Gossuka's Temples are a snap!  
  
Horosha: I wouldn't be so sure of that, Link. After all, these are only the first two. I'm sure the later Temples will be much tougher. (looks up to the sky) Hey, Link, what's that?  
  
Link: (looks up) Oh, is that Kaepora Gaebora.? No, I recognize it now. That's the DragonMage!  
  
Horosha: Who?  
  
Link: DragonMage. He's this guy who rides around on a dragon named PepsiDragon. He thinks he can beat anyone, yet I defeated him easily. He's probably coming for a rematch. Look, here he comes now.  
  
PepsiDragon landed in front of the warriors, and DragonMage jumped off of him. He then looked at Horosha and Ognib.  
  
DragonMage: Well, well, Link, we meet again. Tell me, who's the dirty swordsman and the oversized dog?  
  
Horosha: Hey, you take that back! I'm Horosha, the Wandering Warrior who helped Link save the Sage of Action, and this is my new partner, the Legendary Beast Ognib!  
  
Ognib: GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.....  
  
DragonMage: Hmmmm, Legendary Beast, eh? Well, let's see if his strength is truly "Legendary". PepsiDragon, attack the giant dog!  
  
Horosha: Ognib, attack the really big lizard!  
  
PepsiDragon and Ognib charged towards each other. When they met, they went into a flurry of biting and scratching.  
  
DragonMage: Hmm, they appear to be evenly matched. Now, Link! It's time for our rematch. Prepare to lose!  
Horosha: No way! If you're fighting him, you're fighting me too! You're gonna pay for insulting me and Ognib!  
  
Link: Horosha, you really don't need to fight. This guy is as weak as a Stalfos. Beating him in a fight is a snap!  
  
DragonMage: Wrong! I'm much tougher than the last time you fought me! (takes out a wooden staff) They don't call me the Dragon Mage for nothing! Prepare to face defeat at the hand of my magic!  
  
DragonMage floated into the air, the Boss Music started to play, and white letters appeared under DragonMage  
  
BETWEEN TEMPLE MINI-BOSS  
  
DRAGONMAGE, STAGE 2  
  
REALLY ARROGANT MAGICIAN   
  
DragonMage: Alright, you two! Come and get me! I'll defeat both of you at the same time!   
  
Horosha: Oh yeah? We'll see about that! Link, let's go!  
  
Link: Right! Alright, DragonMage, you're done for!  
  
Horosha and Link both ran towards DragonMage, and DragonMage raised his staff high in the air.  
  
DragonMage: Heh, think again! SANDSTORM!!!  
  
Suddenly a strong wind erupted from DragonMage's staff, and created a sandstorm surrounding DragonMage. Link and Horosha rushed towards DragonMage and tried to attack, but could not see in the sandstorm, and got blown away. DragonMage then landed, the Sandstorm still surrounding him, and rushed towards Link, whacking him hard with his staff. He then did the same to Horosha, then backed off and floated in the air again.  
  
DragonMage: HAH! Now who's simple to defeat? There is no way you can attack me while this Sandstorm is on!  
  
Horosha: He's right, Link! How are we gonna beat this guy?  
  
Link: Don't worry, Horosha, I've got an idea. Just be ready to attack when the Sandstorm goes away.  
  
DragonMage: What do you mean, "When the sandstorm goes away?" You aren't going to deflect my Sandstorm! Now take this!  
  
DragonMage went to the ground and rushed towards Link, but Link shot an Earthquake Nut at the ground beneath DragonMage's feet, causing the sand to rumble violently. This caught DragonMage off guard, and the staff flew out of his hands, causing the Sandstorm to disappear.  
  
Link: Alright, now, Horosha!  
  
Horosha: Right!  
  
Link went and grabbed the staff so DragonMage wouldn't get to it, and Horosha rushed up to DragonMage and started slashing the heck out of him with his Scimitar. Soon, DragonMage fell. He then got back up and raised his palm. The staff flew out of Link's hand and went to DragonMage. Around this time, Ognib finally managed to land a good bite on PepsiDragon's stomach, causing PepsiDragon to fall.  
  
DragonMage: Ugh, we lost again...... Link! PepsiDragon and I will be back, and next time we will defeat you!  
  
DragonMage jumped onto PepsiDragon and flew away.  
  
Horosha: Well, that guy wasn't so tough after all!  
  
Link: Yeah, but he was a lot tougher than last time. I have a feeling sooner or later He may actually be good enough to beat me!  
  
Horosha: Heh, yeah, right! You shouldn't underestimate yourself, Link. After what I've seen of you, It will be a long time before that dork will be good enough to defeat you!  
Link: I guess you're right. So, Horosha, are you going to go along with me on my journey?  
  
Horosha: Nah, Ognib and I are going to go on a training journey. We'll leave rescuing the Sages up to you. And next time we meet, I want a rematch with you!  
  
Link: Ok, well, goodbye, Horosha, Ognib!  
  
Horosha: (getting up on Ognib) We'll meet again, Link and Shika! Goodbye!  
  
Horosha then rode off on Ognib, leaving just Link and Shika in front of the Action Temple.  
  
Link: Ok, that's all taken care of. Now how come Kaepora Gaebora hasn't come back yet? He's supposed to come and teach me the song for the next temple!  
  
Shika: Maybe the next temple isn't in Hyrule.  
  
Link: Huh? What do you mean by that?  
  
Shika: Don't you remember? Some of the Temples are in Termina! And Kaepora Gaebora said that someone else would teach us the songs for there. And judging from the fact that He hasn't appeared yet, the next temple is probably in Termina!  
  
Link: Alright then, let's go!  
  
And so Link and Shika journeyed towards the country of Termina. They kept walking until they made it into Clock Town. Like in Hyrule, the town had a lot of new people walking along the streets. Link also noticed that there were even some new shops in the town. He and Shika kept looking around the town, until they noticed something that stood out from the other houses. It was a colorful building, with a pie pan, a rubber chicken, and a boxing glove hung above the door on a coat of arms. On the door, in big letters, were the words "TERMINA JOKE SHOP"  
  
Shika: Hey, Link, that joke shop looks strange!  
  
Link: You're right! There's something wrong about this shop.  
  
Shika: You mean how it is all colorful and strange and stands out from all of the other shops?  
  
Link: No, that's not it. If this was a real coat of arms, then the rubber chicken would be under the boxing glove, not next to it!  
  
Shika: You idiot! It's not supposed to be a real coat of arms, it's just a lame symbol for the joke shop!  
  
Voice from Overhead: Actually, it IS the real coat of arms for that family!  
  
Link: Huh, who said that?  
  
Shika: Oh no! Watch out, Link, it's........HIM!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Link: What, Gossuka's here? ::quickly looks up:: AAAAAAAH! NO! IT'S EVEN WORSE THAN GOSSUKA! IT'S........TINGLE!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Tingle: Yes! That is right! And Tingle sees that you have a brand NEW fairy! Tingle is so jealous, for Tingle has not yet gotten his fairy!  
  
Link: That's because YOU AREN'T A KOKIRI!  
  
Tingle: Ah, but neither are you!  
  
Shika: He has a point there, Link.  
  
Link: Crap! Well, anyway, what in the hell are you doing here, Tingle?  
  
Tingle: Tingle is here to teach the fairy boy his new song!  
  
Link: WHAT? YOU TEACH ME THE SONGS FOR TERMINA?  
  
Tingle: Yes! Yes! That is right! Now, here it is! ::starts talking like Sheik:: It is something which pleases the heart and can bring it out of abyss in the darkest of times. However, too much of it will anger the hearts of others, and they will gather to destroy yours. Now listen well to the Song of Humor.  
::takes out a fairy shaped guitar, and plays the Song of Humor::  
ZZZZ  
  
Link repeated the song on his Ocarina, and then Tingle reverted back to his normal stupid form of speech.  
  
Tingle: You now know the Song of Humor!  
  
Link: Yippee. Now where is the Humor Temple, Tingle? ::looks up to see Tingle already flying away.:: HEY! COME BACK HERE!  
  
Shika: It's too late, Link. He's already left.  
  
Link: Dang! Well, then, let's think, humor, humor, what kind of place would hold a humor temple?  
  
Shika: That's right, where would the Humor Temple be?  
  
Weird Voice with a French Accent: Ahh, so you people are looking for lots of le humor, no?  
  
Link: ::turns to where the voice came from and sees a French person:: What the? Who are you?   
  
French person: Ah-ha! I am Lejake 87, and I am le owner of le shop of le Humor, les jokes and all of le other funny stuff.  
  
Link: Ok, that accent is really getting on my nerves. But anyway, Shika! Let's go in the Humor Shop! Maybe the Temple is in there!  
  
Link and Shika then walked towards the shop, where they bumped into Lejake.  
  
Link: HEY! GET OUT OF THE WAY!  
  
Lejake: Not so fast, Monsieur Link! If you want to enter le shop, you must fight le owner! ::gets into a fighting stance::  
Link: Alright, then! Shika, what do you know about this guy's fighting skills?  
  
Shika: Oh, come on, Link, do you really need to ask me that for THIS guy?  
  
Link: Huh? What's wrong with him? ::Lejake charges, Link dodges::  
  
Shika: what I mean is that HE'S FRENCH! Just take out your sword!  
  
Link: Oh, ok. ::takes out the Master Sword and gets into a sword stance.::  
  
At that moment, Lejake, who was going into another charge, skidded into a halt and pulled out a white flag.  
  
Lejake: I SURRENDER!  
  
Link: huh? ::sweatdrop::  
  
Shika: Just like I told you, Link. Lejake is French, and all French people are wussies in battle who will give up at the first sign of danger!  
  
Lejake: HEY! THAT IST NO T TRUE!  
  
Link:: takes out the sword again::  
  
Lejake:: takes out the white flag again:: AAH! I SURRENDER! ::Link puts sword away and Lejake puts the flag away.:: Ok, ok, I admit eet, but anyway, now you may be entering le shop of le Jokes!  
  
Link: It's about time.  
  
And so, Link, Shika, and Lejake went into the Joke shop, which was filled with joy buzzers, seltzer bottles, costumes, and anything that anyone would find remotely funny.  
  
Link: Alright, Shika, let's look around for a possible entrance to the Humor Temple!  
  
So Link and Shika looked around the humor shop. they looked everywhere but they didn't see anything special. Finally, Shika went to Lejake.  
  
Shika: Hey, Lejake, I've got a question for you!  
  
Lejake: A question? For Moi? what ees eet, leetle fairy girl?  
  
Shika: Well, do you have any kind of "special area" in your shop? You know, one that most customers don't know about?  
  
Lejake: Aaah! You be wanting to see my special room?  
  
Shika: Yes! Will you take us there?  
  
Lejake: But of course, Madame! allow me to show you le way!  
  
Shika: Ok, but wait a minute first, ok? ::flies over to Link:: Hey, Link, Lejake is gonna take us to where the Humor Temple is!  
  
Link: Really! Alright, then, let's get going!  
  
Link and Shika followed Lejake down many dark and intricate passageways. (line stolen from Poe's "Fall of the house of Usher") When the light finally came, the three came out into Lejake's secret room: A large shrine to Jerry Lewis. Lejake immediately kneeled down and started bowing to the 100 foot statue of Jerry Lewis in the center of the shrine.  
  
Link: Shika, I thought you said he was going to take us to the Humor Temple, not a Jerry Lewis shrine!  
  
Shika: Actually, he said he would take us to his special room. I should have expected as much from a French person. Why don't you try the Song of Humor anyway, just in case?  
  
Link: I guess so. ::plays the Song of Humor::  
  
Suddenly, the head of the Jerry Lewis statue opened from the neck.  
  
Link: YES! IT'S THE HUMOR TEMPLE!  
  
And then a giant pie came out and hit Link square in the face.  
  
Shika: I guess not.  
  
Link: ::after wiping all of the pie stuff off.:: Alright now I'm mad. ::takes out his sword:: THIS WAS ALL SOME JOKE OF YOURS, WASN'T IT?  
  
Lejake:: ::takes out white flag:: I SURRENDER! No, no, eet wasn't me! I had no idea that this would happen! Anyway, look! A ladder ees coming down, with another pie!  
  
Link: No way! I'm not gonna get hit this time! ::jumps up and slashes the pie in half, causing a sign to pop out saying WELCOME TO LE TEMPLE OF LE HUMOR:: Yes! I did it!  
  
Lejake: Good for you, now I shall come with you into le temple!  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
And so, Lejake, Shika, and Link have begun their journey into the Humor Temple! What will await them? Who is the Sage of Humor? if you want to find out, review like crazy and then await Chapter 9: French Man Down!  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
CHAPTER 8 POLL OF THE CHAPTER  
  
I'M BACK! AND SO IS THE POLL OF THE CHAPTER! Now, today's poll is an opinion poll, tell me...  
  
Do you think I went a bit too far on the French jokes?  
  
A. YES! WAY TOO FAR! HOW DARE YOU!  
  
B. Just a bit too far. Ease up a bit, will ya?  
  
C. Naw, you put in just the right amount  
  
D. NO! NOT ENOUGH! MORE FRENCH JOKES! MORE! MORE!  
  
leave your poll in your review, and jump for joy, cause THE TEMPLES OF FANFICTION HAVE RETURNED!  
  
(Ending disclaimer: The jokes in this chapter were not meant to offend any French people. If you were offended by any of the jokes in this chapter pray to your Jerry Lewis statue that I will be forgiven.) 


End file.
